6 months....sheesh....

Oh my god…I’m not even going to discuss the fact that I’ve neglected my blog for 6 months ish (well…apart from just then…lol)

It goes without saying that there are a LOT of things that I’ve failed to discuss over the past months. Most notable of everything are the two CCR bouts that have been and gone during my distinct lack of blogging…and they were ace.

In January we skated against ourselves (with a couple of guest Romsey girls thrown into the mix) in a Pink vs Blue bonanza: Breaking the Squeal! For a day, league relations were forgotten as we prepared to do battle against ourselves. It was a great first bout, despite the fact that I completely forgot the rules and yelled at the refs for making me skate all the way round to the penalty box…and then threw Verry Cherry off the track (quite literally actually) for what I had decided was a very naughty back block (I am the law…didn’t you know???). I know I commit lots of penalties (our refs will attest to the fact that I have a love for the forearm block (ILLEGAL!) and that I spend more time than any other skater asking them ‘okay, so what EXACTLY did I do wrong…’) but I will swear on my life that they are all accidental and without malice. I don’t take kindly to what I perceive to be a purposeful push and I wreck my own vengance. I owe a lot to Ravin Maniac for practically sitting on me and shoving a sock in my mouth that afternoon! *must battle with temper before battling with rollergirls in future*

In the end, Team Blue secured a victory over Team Pink and everyone had a great time! I can't wait for our next one!



Our second bout, I Scream Sunday, took place just a couple of weeks ago…and this time we opened our hall to the Auld Reekie Roller Girls, who sent their travel team, The Twisted Thistles, to have a bash at our Belles of Centrinnians. This was the first time we’d thrown a team in to scrimage with a team from another league, and it was definitely a steep learning curve! I think my ribs have only just stopped aching! The skating was hard and fast, and the body blows came harder and faster!! Accumulations of silly little minors meant that both teams spent a lot of time in the sinbin, and at one point the Belles’ line-up consisited of a pivot and a jammer…naughty Belles…but everyone fought hard to do the best for their teams. In the end, the Thistles may have beaten us by 10 points, but I for one felt that we’d done our best not to make their win easy! I was elated to simply be skating in front of an audience (and what an audience!) and engaging in some crashy bashy action…even though we lost I think I was as happy for Auld Reekie’s win as I would have been for our own! I think I must be mellowing in my old age (I turned 27 two days before I Scream Sunday…another step up that hill!). Not only was I ecstatic for another team’s (nay…another LEAGUE’S) win, but I also managed to control my stupid old temper for *most* of the bout!

At one point I got sent off for grabbing a member of the ARRG…but the refs had failed to see that I’d been spun around by a backblock and grabbed her (sorry….whoever you were!) so that I wouldn’t have pirouetted straight into her. Fair enough, I probably should have dropped to the floor and not grabbed anyone at all, but I was angry with those Zebras (and the back block) and I made no bones about who knew it. As I sat down in the penalty box I was STILL yelling, and Ravin Maniac did her league-ly duty again and told me to shut up….this time from the bleachers! Lol…I guess I’ll learn to control myself one of these days. I really should make it my duty to remember that no-one’s going to listen to you if you start ranting!!


Me and my teeniest fan! And her wickedcool sign!


My temporary tattoo sleeve...us Belles of Centrinnians are part-time rebels you know ;) ha ha

I can’t wait for the next few bouts to come, as well as all the other skatey goodness that is to come in the sunshine months. I lost my Outdoor skates for a while (having lent them to someone and promptly forgotten that I’d done it!) but they’re back now and ready to eat up some pavements. I take them with me everywhere I go so there’s always the chance for a skate.

Race for Life is also on the adenda again, and running sessions have started (I’ve only joined in on one though…bad, lazy me) so if I manage to keep up with this blog thing you can look forward to finding out if me and my fellow runners beat our time of 29 minutes from last year! I’m hoping to get my speed up in the next few months…25 minutes should be an easily reachable target!

More soon (with any luck!) xxx

a bit of a change for winter...

I've experimented with dying my hair dark a few times. The first was a wash in wash out colour, so I wasn't stuck with it for long, but in my undergrad years (about 6 years ago) I decided to go for a chocolatey brown to cover my natural shade of 'mouse' (...hare coloured hair). Being a complete nitwit like usual I left it on for far too long and it went BLACK.

Unfortunately, this wasn't my only problem, as I had also a) not used enough dye, and b) missed a shitload of hair...so I ended up with a sort of cammo effect at the back of my hair when it blew about and you could see under the top layer *glum* I carried on dying my roots until I fancied a colour change. To do this I simply went down a few shades and spread the colour all over my light roots and dark tresses. The result was long, dark, cammo effect hair...with ginger roots. Nice.

This awful disaster encouraged me to give in to the desire to keep my money for things other than my hair, and I went to a hairdressers for a professional colour and cut. The shop owner's exact words to me (in broken spanish) were "what the hell have you done to your hair?!" and they soon fixed it with the beautiful chocolatey brown that I'd wanted all those years ago. The next time I went back, however, they left the dye on for too long (like I did) and I ended up with black again. I never went back or dyed it again and four years later it was FINALLY back to it's original colour, and not just that but I actually LIKED it! And now I've gone and ruined it with another couple of bottles of chocolate brown.

And guess what?...

It's gone black...

I think I'm cursed!!





I'd had the inclination to dye it for a few weeks and I'd had the bottles of dye for a few days without plucking up the courage to do it...but then my little sister came round for a visit and she talked me into doing it, and even helped me! The result is a nice even coverage (no cammo effect!), but my paranoia about what time we'd actually finished meant that I left it on too long and so it's as dark as you see in the pics. I don't think it'll fade either as it's a fade resistant brand...

I am getting used to it though!

In other, skating related news, me and my teacher skater buddy have a new group of kids in the after-school club. They're all a year or two older than most of the last group, and their skating in week one was pretty much as good as the first group's skills were by the end of the 9 week course! One kid was even pulling off a split stance, crossovers and attempting backwards skating...he was phenomenal! I couldn't pull off a skate move without him trying to copy it (and mostly succeeding!)

We've decided we're going to get this group to do more planned activities in the sessions than the last...who mostly just skated around, played tig, shot hoops and planned out their own dance routines...in the first session we ambushed them with a weaving paceline because their skills on the whole were too good not to test out. After they got the hang of keeping up with each other they actually managed to do the drill better than most of the rollergirls!! They were concentrating on their skating, keeping the chatter down, and waiting patiently for their turn...if only the CCR could behave as well when I'm coaching!! ha ha

I can't wait for next week's session and I've started planning out derby drills that kids without pads and mouthgurads can do with ease! I may have to start pinching more of the CCR hire kit at the weekend, just so I can get these kids skating safely...

The good thing about this new group is that it's 90% girls, so it's a potential roller derby team in itself, already manned with refs!!

Hopefully this should develop into something interesting as the weeks go by and we find out what we can do!

Muchos dark-maned Gory love xx

a skate epiphany...or something

Well, it’s been a superwickedlong time since I last updated this thing…there’s been so many things to write about but it seems like I just haven’t had the time to get online and type.

The biggest and most funnest even to happen in the last couple of months was the arrival of Payne D. Spencer, yet another international rollergirl who’s dropped in on the CCR during her travels in the UK! We were lucky enough to have a weekend full of skating planned during her visit, so she and her hubby (Pez D. Spencer…bearer of beautiful skates!) joined us for practice, a night out on the Birmingham tiles (drinks and Wagamama…who could want more?) AND a day in Bedford to scrimmage with other UK leagues, the Bedford Bandits, London Rockin’ Rollers, Winsdor Roller Girls and Romsey Rollerbillies. These are always great events, where we all bring along our favorite drills to share with each other, before joining in a massive pick-up srimmage where we get to batter the hell out of our teammates as well as our usual opposition!

Sunday October 5th was no exception, and although we arrived a tiddly bit late (blame an act of God…that’s the only concievable reason I can think of for a group of rollergirls to be late to an event…not because of satnav failure or terrible directional skills on my part…oh no) we all had a fabulous day, and four hours of skating somehow managed to turn into five before we all unkitted and sloped off to the Hobgoblin for cider and monster munch (which our American guests seemed very taken with…it’s good to see they appreciate the goodness of pickled onion corn snacks!).

After warm ups, falling drills to split your sides, pushes and whips and many other torturous derby drills that are familiar to the UK leagues, Payne introduced us to a favorite drill of her Derby Lite team…Ten Minutes in Hell! Combining speed skating with regular breaks for hardcore reps, this drill is a complete killer, and is now a regular fixture in our practices. I absolutely love it! I can’t thank her enough for showing us this brilliant, horrible drill! Lol…

Then it was onto the scrimmaging…and although Payne hadn’t wanted to join in on the crashy bashy action (I didn’t blame her at all…who would want a broken ankle whilst on vacation and a day before their birthday?!), it didn’t take a whole load of encouragement from the Bandit’s Ab Salute (now known as Helena Hancart) to get her on the track, pivoting and jamming like a pro. She was the star of each of her jams, and everyone agreed that she should showcase her talents in a bigger arena…and I don’t think it’s going to be long before we see her in the big leagues ;)


(Payne D. Spencer Pivoting)


(me jamming on the black team…)

The LRR and the CCR also got the chance to scrimmage with some of the MURDA boys, in the first co-ed roller derby jams the UK has seen! Those boys are fabulous skaters, and I can’t wait to see them in a proper bout situation, alothough I’m not completely convinced it won’t all end in an actual brawl…but that could be just as interesting!!

As well as this, a few of the CCR attended Gerty Go Go’s Halloween Ball to celebrate her 30th birthday. I wasn’t going to make it at first, but Hustle’her, Ouija Broad and Dynomite Bo (my own personal motivational force) talked me into coming ‘just for an hour’…which easily turned into four hours. Yay!! I’m so glad they talked me round…I can be such a stick in the mud sometimes. I didn’t really have a costume (apart from a stupendous pair of vampire fangs that you mould onto your own teeth with quick melting/setting thermoplastic) so I donned my team top, a tutu, some fishnets and legwarmers and became a vampire rollergirl for the night. It was ace…my fangs got so many comments (especially from my fellow vampires who had much more elaborate costumes but were moaning about the inferiority of their dental work to mine) and everone else looked fantastic too! Ouija was a witch, Dynomite a devil woman (no change there then! Lol), hustle was a dark fairy, Pale was Velma from Scooby Doo, Chet was a smart looking day of the dead chappie, Pinkie was a shmexy little kitty, Block Star came as Barbie and her Hubby as god’s gift to women…and Gerty’s friends and family all had wicked costumes…I fell in love with vampire marie antoinette’s dress and wig, and Jack Skeleton dancing with a huge frankenstein foil balloon was a sight to behold indeed!


(me about to vampirise an unsuspecting little dark fairy…)

We’ve also celebrated our first birthday as a league, getting together for drinks, food and karaoke, and to hand out 12 awards and four trophies to the members of the league who’ve helped in some way to build us to what we are in these few months.


(me looking smug with my school of roll award)

The CCR was born in a living room over chilli, beers and cheers in November 2007 and in those early days we had about twelve members and we didn’t know where we’d be in twelve months time. Now we’ve got over 40 skaters, we run monthly events and have brought free roller skating to birmingham’s women…it won’t be long before we’re bringing roller derby to Birmingham audiences either…and a year on from our inception we’re working hard to make our spangly roller derby dream come true. With all the training and preparation we’re putting in we’ll be fucking amazing by the time our skating becomes public property. I’m dying with excitement at the thought!

So…on we go to the reason why I’m actually blogging today (finally)…

I’ve been terrible recently. I’ve been smoking far too many cigarettes, getting out far too little and missing FAR too much practice. A lot of it’s been because we’ve had guests from New Zealand and Australia (trust mine AND Mr Gory’s far away relatives to arrive in the UK at the same time!), but some of it’s been to do with a lack of faith in myself and my abilities…

I know I can skate and I know I can do well, but I’ve had a real lack of focus on the track and at practice in general. I think it’s because I have so much fun around my girls that I stop working hard and start being a clown…I need to just start getting my head down and working harder when I’m findin it tough, rather than making a joke out of myself and distracting everyone else. I find it hard when people are pratting around while I’m coaching so I need to make sure I stop doing it when other people are leading the session and being as much of a hard ass as I usually am when I’m in control of the whistle.

Last night was like some kind of epiphany…we had an amazing practice with our advanced girls scrimmaging against the girls who are relatively new to the game, and the newbies (if it’s right to call them that…I’m sure it isn’t but despite their skills they’re still fairly new) just blew me away, sometimes literally! Lol! They were blimmin brilliant!

I eschewed my normal pivot position to take up the rear of the pack and I discovered amazing things about myself…I can do everything that I think I can’t do, I just need to have a different perspective on things. It turns out that being at the back of the pack was exactly the change in perspective I needed to show me that I’m perfectly capable of playing this game as a team member, rather than a vigilante out to cause my own kind of trouble! It’s true that the pivot travels trough the pack to find the best place for control, but I still find this hard, so for the time being I’m going to hone my skills at the back of the pack, getting harder and more clever before I attempt to take on control of the entire pack. I’d love to be a pivot, but part of me knows it’s only for the glamour of the panty (ha ha…what little glamour that is) and the scant possibility that I might have to take the star, rather than because I’m actually suited to that position. I’ve been told that Bette Noir has commented positively on my pivotting skills (which enlarged my head a great deal, I tell you what!…that was my Hank Hill impression there…) but at the moment I feel I do the team a better service when I’m the first one to clatter the opposition’s jammer and I can yell orders from the back as I chase her through the pack…

Yesterday was just a brilliant day…the skating was fantastic, the scrimmaging was adrenaline-pumping, the girls and boys were all brilliant (even through all my back-pushing, back blocking etc…) and when I got home Mr Gory had run me a bubble bath and filled the bathroom with about 30 candles…*bliss* I can’t imagine a better night…

This is my turning point now. I’ve seen photos from 2 years ago when I was a tiny size 8 (now I’m a very optimistic size 10…aka, size 12) and I’ve had first hand proof that I can be a kick ass derby machine if I WANT to be…so from now on that’s my goal…to get lean and mean and kick the crap out of my flab! It’s cool for derby girls to be all different shapes and sizes, and bigger girls often have the advantage on the track (I’ve definitely noticed my extra weight is of benefit!) but there’s no reason why I can’t be slender and immovable.

I’m also going to keep on top of tracking my fitness progress, so this blog should attest to how well I’m doing (or not doing, whatever the case may be)

Gory out…

Ps…it’s nice to know you read this…because I know you do ;) ha ha

Hooray!

Payne D. Spencer kindly let me know that the skate move I was trying to pull out in the entry below is called ‘Shoot the Duck’…and is demonstrated wonderfully in the following video by two girls called Krystal and Heather…



I’ve got a list of new stretches to add to my regime (that I’m going to start doing more to see better results…and hurt less after running!) that are supposed to help you do this trick better, so maybe it’ll be doing to my skill instead of my skates soon? we shall see…

and I wish with all my heart that I could do this…



…that girl is SO cool…

What a difference the Heel makes...

I’ve been skating for well over 18 months now (end of Jan ’07 to now, Sept ’08…so…erm…20 months) but I’ve only owned a few pairs of skates and although I’ve read lots of stuff about various skate packages, I can only vouch for the ones I’ve tried.

When I upgraded from Riedell R3s to Wickeds I put outdoor wheels on my old skates and then they’ve pretty much been left to gather dust since. I’m not a great fan of outdoor skating (I love the skating, but I hate the fear it gives me…and the fact that the public are out there…and that they like to take the piss) so since last September I’ve only worn them a few times, and most of those have been on a completely different surface to the one I use my Wickeds on.

Tuesday just gone I decided to take them to the after-school club with me, because all the kids use outdoor wheels, as does the teacher who I’m helping, and considering my R3s were in the car I thought ‘What they hey…it’s one less pair of skates to carry to the car!’ and left my Wickeds at home. So I strapped on my old, taped up skates (to the sound of many small voices saying ‘Miss! Those are different to the ones you had last week Miss!’) and found that on a smooth floor they feel a hell of a lot flatter than my Wickeds do.

A few of the kids are keen on pulling off new tricks on their wheels, so I tried to show them the only trick I can do (skating ultra-low then extending a leg out straight in front of me so I’m on one foot), but it turns out that myt ability to do said ‘trick’ is based on the somewhat higher heel of my Wickeds. Wearing my flatter R3s I crouched down, realised my feet were at all the wrong angle and promptly fell on my ass. Hard. And to the tune of ‘SHE FELL OVER’…thanks kids. You’re so forgiving…Anyway, despite my terrible attempt at coolness (and my fast failure) it didn’t put any of the kids off and by the end of the period loads of them were really keen to show off their skills. They were spinning, skating in really low crouches (scooting themselves along with their hands), jumping with no fear...I was impressed!

I’ll wear my Wickeds this Tuesday and hopefully my skills will return to me…maybe.

I’ve missed all our practice sessions this week…boo at me! I started the week off feeling really run down and it’s slowly turned into a horrible head cold. I look like Rudolf the red nosed Rollergirl…perhaps I should tog myself up in a pair of fuzzy antlers and get my picture taken for Christmas cards? It’d certainly bring cheer to people!

I’m going to spend the rest of today and tomorrow eating and sleeping loads so I can be back at practice on Monday…kleenex in hand (and pocket, and stuffed up my sleeve…I predict I’ll need an awful lot of it)

Decisions decisions...

I’m terrible at getting things done (blogging for one)…but my biggest problem is that I hate making decisions. It means that I miss out on so much…

Right now I’m struggling with my concience when it comes to the things I really want to do, like get tattoos and dye my hair ridiculous colours. I guess it’s a fear of the unknown, and instead of being the girl I used to be (who dyed her hair vibrant shades of red from the age of 11 and imagined a rebellious adulthood) I’ve grown into a woman who cares far too much what others think, and who doesn’t trust that her choices will lead to an outcome she can deal with.

Roller Derby has been a huge changing force in my life, and I feel much more confident with what my body can do. It’s definitely stronger and more capable than it’s ever been, and I feel at my best when I’m in practice. I feel safe with my league mates (who are all my friends) and I can really be myself around them, but although I’ll happily strut around in micro-shorts and fishnets at practice (and the pub…lol) I still feel uncomfortable and like I’m being stared at if I dress up when I go out. It’s a completely ridiculous state of affairs.

When it comes to tattoos, I have big plans for sleeves and a chest piece. They’re all planned out and I’ve known what I want for years now (one of the downfalls of having a tattooist boyfriend…I think about tatoos all the time but I’m not allowed any because he doesn’t want me to end up with a load of ink I’ll regret) but I can’t bring myself to get them done. My best friends recently had some unwanted attention because of their visible tattoos and it makes me wonder how I’ll handle people commenting on any visible ink I get done…I know a lady who’s really heavily covered and she’s even had a guy (a complete stranger) go to pull her top away from her chest to get a better look at her work! I’d want to club someone if they did that to me, and I’m pretty sure that’s not acceptable behaviour…even if someone is trying to undress you in a supermarket!

I can’t predict how having sleeves and a chest piece will make me feel, and no one can tell me what it’ll be like…there’s no way I could ever know what it’ll be like until it’s done, and once it’s done there’s going to be no going back (only covering up, and I’m the kind of person who’s thermostat runs on ‘tropical’ most of the time…long sleeves are the very bottom of my outfit choices).

I recently had to make a skate decision too…and although I really wanted a pair of Black Widows I don’t want to get a pricey set of skates that don’t fit like a glove. I’m hoping to go to RollerCon next year (or visit the States or Canada at least) so I’ll get them then when I can try them on…and this time round I’m going for another pair of Wickeds, but this time not a size too big!

I’m also getting them with Swiss bearings and pink Mojo wheels, which I’m assured are super-grippy and wonderful to skate on! I really can’t wait! I know I’ve not been happy with my current Wickeds, but they’re far too big for me, even with a really thick gel insole. I’m pretty sure that going down to a 7.5 will make the world of difference to my poor crampy feet. At the moment I have to shuffle my feet to the back of my boot after every drill or jam, and walking on my toe stops isn’t as easy as it should be because my foot moves around in the boot so much. Tightening my laces isn’t really an option either as that’s when the crampy foot-death occurs, which hinders my skating as much as a flappy boot does.

*fingers crossed* they’re going to fit me…I think I’ll cut my toes off if they don’t.

This afternoon is the second after-school skating session that I’m helping run. I forgot to take my camera last week so this week I must remember it. The kids are SO funny once they’ve got those skates on…and they’re absolutely fearless! If only adults could be persuaded to do squat-jumps on wheels, the whole country would be Roller Derby mad by now!

Last week I had to cart 25 pairs of skates with me (26 if you include mine), but now I’ve narrowed it down to the sizes I need I’ll only have to carry about 15 pairs…across a playground and up two flights of stairs…no wonder my biceps were screaming last Wednesday!

In other Roller Derby news, I’m REALLY looking forward to the upcoming visit of Payne D. Spencer who’s going to be joining us for lots of skating and drinking fun at the start of October! We’re going to have a blast, and I can’t wait for her to meet some of the other UK Roller Derby Leagues!…Roll on October!

Exercise is bad for my health...

It’s almost two months since I ran (jogged) the race for life with my friends and in that time they’ve been getting on with the running thing while I’ve found almost any excuse to avoid it. Outdoor skating was a great alternative for a couple of sessions, but doing crossovers round a massive circle is uber-easy compared to pushing yourself along at speed…without wheels.

This Tuesday I decided I was going to suck it up and get back into running, partly because the others were whining at me, but mostly because I’m turning into Jabba the Hutt. I’ve been neglecting exercise in favour of sitting on my rapidly growing ass and eating “healthy” things like carrot cake and biscuits dunked in tea (so all the calories have been washed away), and the consequence is a constricted feeling when dressed, and a disconcerting wobbly feeling when I’m un-dressed. Not good.

I resolved not to make with the excuses anymore (even though I almost cried off Tuesday because of the rain…) and I’m getting back into the whole exercise thing. I was shocked at myself when we started because I was expecting to be out of breath and ready to give up after a few hundred metres, but I felt surprisingly good! Ouija said she’s the same after a break from running, but that if we asked her to run again Thursday she’d probably not be able to move. I can’t believe how right she was! I felt fresh and capable on Tuesday, but for the past two days I’ve felt like a pinata AFTER the party.

Despite my feeling good, this only lasted for one lap and I got my usual neck pain. I have no idea why my neck gets tense while I’m running…I feel like Deirdre Barlow looks. As we reached our start point I was hoping the others would want to flake out too but they swept me along for another lap. I suddenly felt like I was made of lead and my legs just wouldn’t propell me any more and I slowed to a walk (bad!), but when I realised that my speedwalking (ha ha) wasn’t quite keeping up with the others I broke back into a jog. There’s nothing like missing out on gossip as an incentive to stay with the pack!

I slowed down again when we got to the halfway point, but I felt terrible letting them run on without me so I caught up again and promised myself I’d stay with them to the end of the lap at least. They all carried on for another lap while I walked and stretched to cool down. I obviously didn’t cool down enough though! I’ve not hurt this much after a workout for ages – possibly because I’ve not really pushed myself in weeks – but it feels good to know that I’ve worked hard.

I think the most unfortunate aspect of my pain is that it’s mostly in my thighs…so skating is going to be fun later! Our Thursday night practices are for more advanced drills, so getting low is important and the drills can take their toll on your thighs at the best of times. I can forsee two hours of pain and whining like a bitch to whoever’s leading practice. I’m kind of hoping it’s me (even though I’ve lead the last two weekend practices and therefore not taken part in much) but I know that’s completely the wrong attitude to take because I’m just being lazy.

The week before last I concentrated on endurance drills and doing pacelines skating clockwise to get everyone used to lateral movement in that direction. When I started skating in January of 2006 I’d never really skated before and I found clockwise a lot easier than the normal skating direction…crossovers in particular. I could do them with no problem when I was turning right, but I didn’t trust my left leg enough to lift my right leg over when I was trying to do them for roller derby purposes. With 18 months of practice I’ve trained myself out of this habit and now I find skating clockwise weird and unnatural. I figure that no matter how good I am going left, I’ll never be a good skater until I can skate well in all directions, so it’s important to me to practice it until it comes to me as naturally as our normal skating direction.

We did an excellent drill where skaters line up according to their ability, slowest at the front, and each takes it in turn to sprint 5 (or however many you like) laps before falling out and letting the skater behind them take the lead. It’s great because everyone can join in and the more skaters there are, the harder the fitter skaters have to work! The first time I tried it a fortnight ago the first ten skaters did 4 laps and the advanced skaters were meant to do 8 laps each. There were so many people involved that I think Hustle’her must have done about 80 laps, and she was still raring to do more…that’s the kind of fitness I need to achieve! The week just gone a lot of newer skaters were off practicing basic skills with Ouija and Gun Beryl so the line was a lot shorter but Hustle’her still managed to get in 60 laps and I’m sure she could have carried on.

I also got everyone to spend a LOT of time doing crossovers, first in our normal skating direction, with people of all abilities trying to perfect their technique. The beginners were getting used to the weight exchange and the footwork involved, and those who could do crossovers were getting used to doing them the whole way round the track. With so many people skating it was quite problematic for the advanced girls to get the use of the whole track at times, but it was great dodging practice too and I learned to crossover left and right to step around ‘obstacles’ so to speak. It was great!

We spent even more time focusing on crossovers going clockwise, with everyone focusing on leaning to the right (difficult!…for me anyway) and getting their left leg to cross over their right. I know I’m going to need to keep practicing, but I can do it with little difficulty now, which is a big step for me. Everyone else did really well too, but I don’t think many people find it as much of a problem as I do. I feel really unbalanced because I find skating left so easy and skating right so difficult, and I really want to work on it to make myself feel more capable, and above all, symmetrical!

Hits have also been a big thing over the past few weeks too, and not just in my practices. A few weeks ago Ouija and Hustle’her had us working on timing drills, where skaters have to catch up to a moving opponant and knock her out. We spent ages on this, and by the time we moved onto a quick game of Queen of the Rink I felt much more confident in my hits, and I really wanted to do my best and knock people down. It’s not that I don’t usually want to do it, I just never really feel like I can, and I have little faith in my hits or my ability to stay up. At that week’s advanced practice we did another Queen of the Rink type game and I managed to knock down three of my opponants in a row, which came with it’s usual mixture of joy and guilt. I’m definitely getting better, but my booty checks need a lot of work. I’ve got no hips and a terrible sense of balance when attempting to throw my non-hips around, so I tend to rely on fierce shoulder and body blocks to take people out, but they’re not always effective.

I’m looking forward to tonight’s practice (well, not the thigh pain) and I’ll hopefully come back with some wonderful tales of how I sent even more girls flying, but it’s more likely I’ll be in so much pain I won’t be able to drive home and I’ll have to live at the leisure centre! I jest of course, I’d probably get a taxi home.

Under My Skin...and my non-fitness

So, here’s my second stab at the whole ‘exhibition blog’ thing. This time I’m doing the sensible thing and composing it in Word before I commit to the text box on blogger.

So! Friday night, Mr Gory and I were invited to the very special, VIP style opening night of Mandie Barber’s tattoo exhibition entitled ‘Under My Skin’, held at Kidderminster library til the 30th of August…



As we walked up through the library to the exhibition hall we were treated to display cabinets full of hand painted, tattoo inspired items by Mandie, and age-old tattoo machines, needles, cut-throat razors and the like…




…and once inside there’s a whole wall of tattoo history…



…photos of some of Mandie’s work, poetry by Jodie Calder and vintage flash…



…original paintings by both Mandie and Chris Barber…




…and a rogue’s gallery of tattoos. The photography group at the library had been trawling the streets of kiddiminster, stopping people with tattoos and asking them for their photo and the story behind their ink. I didn’t get a picture of this unfortunately, but you can see it on the shot of the exhibition hall, just over on the left…




It was a brilliant opening night, even if it did make me want more tattoos and several pieces of art from the paintings gallery…we spent the few hours that we were there sipping wine like posh people – well, some of us did anyway…Chris decided to cut out the middle-man that’s commonly known as ‘a glass’…



…We conversed about tattoos and art in general (and didn’t pose, no, not at all!…okay, maybe Matt and Mand did a little…)



…I unsuccessfully tried to take pictures of Matt without him knowing…



…Several people (Jodie in particular) were keen to show off their own body art…



…and Mandie was bestowed with flowers…



We’ll be back there again this Friday (the 22nd) to watch a live tattoo demonstration and a movie that’s based around the addictive nature of tattoos. Mandie’s going to be taking a needle to Jodie’s arm before we all sit down to watch the film, and the exhibition will be open for people to wander round. It’s going to be amazing! I’m going to be enticing as many friends along as possible!!

I’ve been planning many more ink-adventures since visiting Under my Skin last week too, and I’m sure it won’t be long before I can get another hit from Mr Gory. I’ve been thinking about getting my tummy tattooed, mainly because it keeps poking out from under my t-shirts and I’d like to see some colour there rather than just flab. I think I’ve managed to entice the boy to do it…he usually hates tattooing me because I have SO MANY ideas, but this time round I’ve picked something he actually wants to do! Watch this space for tummy-tatts!

In skating news, I’ve not managed to get back to the park for some more circular skating. I’m very sad about it but it’s only because I’ve been so busy either skating at practice, visiting exhibitions or going out for birthdays. This week I’ll make sure I get at least one go in! I know I need to get a lot fitter…I’m really suffering at the moment. I feel so tired all the time, and I’m sure that’s because I’ve been negelcting my fitness. I’ve been eating a tonne of crap and I’ve done hardly any proper exercise in ages. Ouija Broad lead our practice this Sunday just gone and I swear, I almost died.

One of the drills she decided on was a series of knee-falls while skating round the track. The idea was that when she blew the whistle we’d do a single knee fall, concentrating on keeping small, with just a few simple, but killer, rules. The first was that we should keep our hands on our helmets so that we weren’t tempted to use the floor to help us get up, and the second was that no-matter how long we’ve been getting up on our toestops, we should make sure that as we get up we’re planting our wheels steadily on the floor. I’m really bad for this…I ALWAYS get up using both my hands (usually on my knee so it’s not as bad as using the floor. At least I know my fingers are safe) and I ALWAYS get up on my toestop. My answer for this (and I have an answer for everything) is because I can get up quicker, steadier and I can launch myself into a run to gain my speed back up. Ouija also has an answer though, and she told me in no uncertain terms that if I get up like that in a bout it won’t be long before someone puts me back on the floor.

So, with a heavy heart (and even heavier legs) I did as I was told. Boy, I ache now…and it’s two whole days later. It was a really good drill though, and I’m feeling much better about getting up on wheels and duck-running to get my speed up, and I’m even getting used to doing a right knee-fall. My right leg doesn’t seem to want to do what I tell it to, and when I try and do a right knee-fall I inevitably end up doing a double knee-fall, but I’m very glad to say that things are improving!

I was slightly annoyed at myself with my 5 minute time trial as I only got in about 25 laps and I managed 29 at the last mid-weeker I attended, but we’ve got so many skaters now that the track is nothing short of packed when we run this drill. It’s incredibly hard to skate your absolute fastest when you’ve got to dodge and weave around all the newbies and basic skills skaters, but it really does help your agility when you’ve got to try and squidge yourself into spaces that didn’t exist before you made them! I actually saw myself in a jamming star as I darted between everyone, but I seriously need to kick my fitness into gear if that dream’s going to come true. At the moment I can’t see myself ever being able to catch back up with the pack to score points!!

*goes and eats a chocolate bar…or two*

*acts like she never stopped posting*

Oh my GOD! I’m not even going to mention the ‘n’ word (neglect…willful blog-neglect) I’m just going to get on with writing. I’ve missed SO much.

Blame my job. I do! I think having a few weeks (months?) off skating and away from my teammates has made the biggest divide in my brain. I’ve been extremely depressed about it all; my fitness (and my fatness) has suffered and I’m finding it really hard to pull it back again. The regime has begun though…yesterday I skated, tomorrow I’m skating, Sunday I’m coaching (and skating), Tuesday I’m running (and I WILL be running…no lameo excuses for me this week!), Wednesday I’m skating outdoors (with less fear this week) and then Thursday it’s back to practice.

I’m getting tired just thinking about it all, but it’s essential really. I’m angry at my slowness, my lack of breath and my thighs of doom.

To make up for the non-writing and the sheer number of things that I’ve done that have gone unrecorded, this is the blog I wrote for the CCR Myspace about the race for life…



(…I’m the one on the left…then it’s Dynomite Bo, Ouija Broad and Hustle’her)

Besides Hustle'her, who'd already run the race for life a few times on a couple of different courses, I don't think the rest of us were certain what we were taking on when we offered to join her and raise money for Cancer Research on behalf of all of the Central City Rollergirls. We vowed that we'd keep our pace up through the entire 5km race, and so we began training together with this in mind. There's a lot of debate, but we estimate that the path around the Arrow Valley Lake in Redditch is about 1.4 miles so our aim was to get to the point where we found doing two laps around the lake comfortable. To tell the truth, they were less like training sessions and more like gossip fests, but I guess you've got to do something to take your mind off the torturous pain and chatting to your friends is probably the best way to get through it all!

The morning of the race dawned grey and drizzly, but that didn't stop us from arriving at the park over an hour before it was set to start. Accompanied by Mr Gory and Fletchie dog (who wasn't allowed to join in the race on account that he would 'trip people up'…something we tested and found to be true on a few of our training sessions) we stood around in the rain for 45 minutes before the warm-up started, feeling our coats getting heavier by the second. Luckily, the rain dried up as we were called to the start line, and Mr Gory was ready and willing to tote our wet coats (and the dog, and my spare bottles of water) while he waited for us to hit the finish. He deserves a big thank you for being our packhorse and photographer for the morning, and it was lovely to know that he was waiting for us to finish as we got in place to start the race.

Using our rollergirl prowess we shouldered our way to the front of the line which meant that we had a great – and speedy - start to our race, and I think we'd covered about 500 metres before we brought the pace back to something we were all more used to. Unfortunately, the quick start meant that I spent the first two kilometres battling the worst stitch I've EVER had (I could feel the pulled ligaments for days afterwards) so I was a royal pain in the ass to my fellow joggers, demanding that they motivate me and denying that I'd manage to keep running for the whole thing. I'm fairly certain that if I'd have been tackling the course on my own it'd have been a walk, run, walk, run, walk walk walk kind of affair, so I've got to extend a massive thanks to Hustle'her, Dynomite and Ouija. Without them to spur me on I'd probably still be walking the course now!

The course was considerably more difficult than jogging round the lake alone, and running uphill on slippery grass took a lot out of us before we'd even passed the 1km marker. You could tell it was much harder work as we all gritted our teeth and set our minds to moving our legs instead of wagging our chins, and the chatter reduced down to 'are you ok?' and 'we can do this' after a time. The first three markers seemed to be VERY far between as we crossed fields and roads before finding ourselves on familiar ground jogging round the lake, but the fourth marker made it's appearance much sooner than expected and then we were on the final 500m to the finishline. Dynomite drew strength from some unknown source and steamed ahead, sprinting the last part of the race like she'd just started it, and Hustle'her was quick to follow suit. Ouija and I brought up the rear, taking the last 500m at the same pace we'd run most of the race for…I honestly don't think I could have sprinted to save my life at that point, and it was all I could do just to keep on picking up my feet and putting them down again.

We may have been split up, but we all crossed the finsh line in about 29 minutes, and although I felt like I could have puked and passed out as I accepted my medal, goodie bag and water from the nice men in cammo, I felt an amazing sense of elation. I hadn't slowed to a walk and I'd done something I never thought I'd be able to do, and as well as that I'd done it with my friends whilst raising money for charity! Five kilometres doesn't sound like a lot, but to someone who's never run for anything other than the bus before (me) it was a massive challenge to keep going for the entire course. I'll definitely be doing it again next year, hopefully with my running-mates, and hopefully in under 29 minutes! Watch this space…



…I look horrific in this picture. BLAME THE RAIN!…root of all evil *grumbles*

So, back to the present day!

I've been getting more and more excited about the idea of league coaching. I guess it says a lot about me that I like to yell at everyone and make them do as I say...but I really don't care! ha ha...I've been on a HUGE drill-hunt on t'interweb and I've discovered so many new, fun and grueling drills. I'll be taking some of them to Bedford with me this weekend to show the bandits how to cause their ladies the most pain and apres-skate aches.

I've also been feeling more and more that although I'm a good skater I'm nowhere near natural enough on my skates. The only cure for this? More skating...and not just that, but more skating on uneven, unreliable surfaces, up and down hills, and where people can see me and jeer.

I have to say, I was totally unprepared for how much people don't give a toss about people on skates. They don't realise you can't stop on a penny, they don't realise you can't skate past them when the only room they give you is two feet of pavement on a camber that threatens to spill you into the water...they also don't realise how much hard work it is. It's easy to made snide remarks when you're wandering along enjoying the sunshine, it's not so easy when you have four wheels on each foot and you're trying to duck-walk your way up a massive hill (or tip-toe up it on your toe-stops as I was more likely to be seen doing).

It's difficult...I don't like being looked at and I especially don't like being talked about WHILST being looked at, so it's not the easiest thing for me to strap skates on and waddle around in public. However, I'm not going to be a big whining baby (as Mr Gory called me when I admitted to him I'd quit skating after just one lap of the lake while Ouija and Hustle'her were happy to do another) and I'm going to keep on trying it until I'm less terrified! Right now the sheer effort of not descending into a panic attack is enough to leave me shaking and exhausted...I can't wait for the day when I can skate along outdoors without seeing visions of myself kissing the pavement, rolling over a pedestrian, gamboling into the lake or other appropriate embarrassing and painful situtaion...

...I really don't know why I'm so scared. I fall all the time in practice!...and besides that, how many kids play on rollerskates without fear?!

I'm sorely tempted to try blading though, quads seem to dislike uneven floors as much as I do!

More SOON! xx

g.u.t.t.e.d.....

So, I started work today...only part time, just to bring some money in while I finish my dissertation (and to stop myself from going slowly crazy...sorry, crazier), but work none the less. The good and bad thing about it is that the shifts are unstructured, so I'm guaranteed 16 hours of work (or more) but I'm not guaranteed what days, times, or shift lengths I'll be working. I really don't think that I'll mind this most of the time...except for right now it seems.

The absolutely gutting thing is that after missing two weeks of practice because of weddings and travelling places, I'm now going to have to miss another two weeks of practice to work. Goddamn. It's probably karma for not going jogging recently or not getting on with my uni work...I'll have to throw myself into it all to forget that I won't be skating 'til the first of our Get Yer Skates on Events on the 1st of June (see the CCR myspace for more details on both events). Even then it'll only be to show other people how to skate (rather than trying to knock them down as usual) so it'll be skating at a very low volume :(

It's back to work tomorrow...with a list of practice dates to beg my manager with, and with any luck I might get some derby practice in before the year is out! I think it's time to get my lazy ass outside and skating...

Playing catch-up...

I’m a terrible blogger…I’ve done countless Derby-related things in the past three weeks and yet NONE of them have been documented! Oh, the audacity of me!

BBDD vs GRG

On the 12th of April the CCR boys and girls ventured the short distance to Cocks Moor (ha ha…never fails to amuse!) to watch the Blitz Dames defend their turf as the Glasgow Roller Girls fought to secure a win. I’d already been down to London to cheer the Glasgow girls on so, despite being a member of another Birmingham based league, I did the same again at their second bout. To begin with it really seemed as if the GRG had secured a victory, but the Blitz Dames clawed back the lead out of nowhere some time in the second half. It was hard to say for sure what happened as the scoreboard wasn’t regularly updated, making it really difficult to figure out how each jam had been scored. Nevertheless, it was a good game and I screamed myself stupid for the entire two periods, giving Mr Gory and Psycho Spiller of the LBRG (who were sat on either side of me) tinnitus. I was disappointed for the GRG, but I’m sure they won’t let it faze them…I can’t wait to skate with them at some point :)

I got a few photos from the bout but they’re best viewed on my myspace. Unfortunately my camera found the crappy Cocks Moor lighting hard to deal with…

the LRG pay a visit…



On the 13th, the CCR were up bright and early (well, early for us…) to welcome some of the London Roller Girls to our practice. They brought with them some amazing skating skill as well as really useful ideas for drills and advice on how we can all improve our technique. Led by Bette Noir, we all did drills that develop speed, endurance, accuracy and balance before pairing off to get some one-on-one advice on how to batter the crap out of other women with your ass. I’ve got to extend a HUGE thank you to Auntie Terror (who I can’t find on myspace to thank in comment form!) who spent a lot of time letting me crash into her butt-first while offering me tips on how I could do it better…I learnt so much!

After that it was onto the scrimmaging (picture me rubbing my hands in glee), with us all mixed up together…and may I add, thank god! I pivoted against Fox Sake a couple of times, and she was lethal enough as it was without being teamed up with one of my nemesi (that is the mutiple of nemesis isn’t it?!), Hustle’her. Together they formed walls, bumped me out the way, and pretty much skated circles round me…and I couldn’t have been more impressed!

If I’m honest, I kind of impressed myself too. I think I did a better-than-normal (my version of normal that is) rendition of Pivoting, and I somehow developed a bit of a talent for pushing my own teammates into the spaces that I knew I couldn’t fill fast enough. I had the BEST time. It’s the closest to the zone that I’ve ever been and it’s got me hungry for more! The entire practice was fabulous in fact…and when I think back to it the memories have stars, hearts and glitter round the edges. They might be formidible on the track, but they’re all sweethearts. Another massive thank you to the LRG for travelling up and skating with us…it was lovely to meet some of you properly, I’m just sorry I couldn’t make it to the after-skate drinkies!!

a visit from Kaos

In our next week’s practice (last week) we were graced by a guest skater…Ms Raven Von Kaos of the Santa Cruz Roller Girls. She was more than a match for the best of our skaters and it was a total pleasure telling her what to do! Yes, it was that time again: Gory’s turn to lead practice. Apparently I’m a hard taskmaster, but considering I spend a good proportion of the session skating slowly slooowly round the inside of the track, blowing my whistle, screaming orders and generally forgetting to look at/press buttons on my stopwatch, I don’t finish practice with that nice glowy ache that only Derby can spread and therefore have no idea how hard I work my skaters. Like I said, according to them it’s pretty damn hard, but that doesn’t stop me from trying to think up new and more imaginative ways to torture them into being kick-ass skaters.

Even though I can’t really get involved I always end up using the drills that I love best, and after the LRG’s visit the week before I couldn’t help but include hot laps, where skaters perform sets of laps in skill groups to focus on specific areas of skating. This time it was speed and pack drills, with the first involving a speed sprint around the track in your group, and the second being a pack drill where speed and proximity make skating difficult. I was really impressed that even our newest newbies had a go…maybe it was something to do with my hugely loud voice and slightly too-quick temper? No no, I’m sure it was nothing more than their sheer enthusiasm for skating!! Ha ha…no, seriously, I’m sure.

I also brought along a drill I’d learnt from the Lincolnshire Bombers Roller Girls during my recent trip to Lincoln and had everyone (once again down to the newest newbies…these girls are pretty hardcore) being whipped and pulled around the hall in what the LBRG call the Inertia drill. Holding hands with a partner, the idea is to pull her along and whip her forward before being pulled along yourself…it’s hard to explain but I’m sure there’s versions of it going on in leagues all over the country…I’m pretty sure it’s also known as the whip and pull drill too but I could have just misunderstood drill explainations. It wouldn’t be the first time!!

I do love to lead practice, but I don’t particularly like the shouty bitch it turns me into. I’m the kind of person who demands eye contact and silence before I will actually believe that you’re listening to me (as Mr Gory will attest…he often hears the words ‘are you even listening?!’) and so I don’t work well in an environment where people are whispering and don’t seem to be paying 310% attention to me. Cue lots of whistle blowing, shouting and name calling…Chatty McChatterson being the name of choice (yes Chet Wisconsin, I’m talking about you!!). It hadn’t occurred to me before I read Chet’s blog on the CCR myspace that my technique of simply employing my lungs when people are being said Chatty McChatterson is actually a bit soft of me. So be warned CCR girls and boys (Chet especially…and Jack Beam!) from now on your snake-like hissings will no longer be a backdrop to my drill explaination…oh no! Instead, my voice will be accompained by the usual noises that go with squat thrusts. Happy days.

I’m kind of glad I wasn’t skating as hard as everyone else was that afternoon as it was just the first installment in a Derby double-header weekend…the next day the CCR plus Raven were off to visit with the London Rockin Rollers, the Bedford Bandits and the Windsor Roller Girls for a mixed practice and a bit of scrimmagy goodness. Something to look forward to indeed!!

mixed practice…



So…the CCR bus was off bright and early (once again…I hate early mornings), headed for Milton Keynes and a date with some fabulous Rollergirls and their entourages. The leagues took it in turn to deliver drills, and we got to do yet more hotlaps (I was reminded that doing them is definitely more strenuous than it looks) as well as a few hardcore races and Lil Joker’s very own brand of torture on wheels.

Once again I more than impressed myself with some serious toe-stop running during both the hotlaps and the LRR’s version of the bleep-test for skaters. I’ve never felt like I could do them, but when I visited the Lincoln Bombers I got the chance to practice them in my own time and I found a well of previously undiscovered confidence that enabled me to carry on pulling off said toe-stop running during the CCR practices that followed. This mixed practice was like the ultimate acid test for my newfound skill and I got plenty of opportunity to keep proving to myself that I could still do it…despite being mortally terrified that I’d end up on my face in front of so many unfamiliar skaters.

The scrimmaging part of the practice was brilliant too, with everyone mixing it up within their skill set to get as many jams as possible. There were so many of us that we needed at least another hour to really get our teeth into each other properly, but during the short time we had I saw some really amazing skating. I’ve got to say, I was pleased that I was skating WITH Jack Attack and not against her…that girl was everywhere at the same time! Once again, I had the best BEST time, and even an unexplained excruciating pain in my wrist didn’t take me off my wheels. I’ve really been feeling the Derby love these past few weeks :o) partly because of all the lovely skaters I’ve met, partly because of all the superbad skate-time I’ve gotten in, and mostly because yet another of my lovely friends is rolling onto the Derby scene. She’s a London lass but Donna’ll be travelling up to Lincoln to skate with the Bombers and be their ref…which means we can steal her if we’re ever in search of Zebras! HOORAY!!

After the practice it was off to the pub for some well deserved bevvies and a long chat about our favorite subject…roller derby! I got to spend a good long time with the ever lovely Margy Bargy of the LRR, who is quite possibly the sweetest woman I’ve ever met, as well as being an amazing skater. It was really good to get to spend some time hanging out with the other leagues, and the pear cider was more than welcome after three hours of skating :o)

present day…finally! *phew*

Today our practice was lead by Hustle’her and our ref, Barry Fight. Both of them are really keen to whip us into shape, so they were relentless and brutal…and it was brilliant! Their practice, combined with the fact that I’ve been sat here typing for so long, has incited my legs to go on strike. I tried to stand up a minute ago and discovered that I couldn’t! I think they’ve more than done their job…

Warm up was more intense than usual, and after a quick stretch (that I led…with a few tips pinched from the LRR’s Speedpixie) we were up and doing as many laps as we could in 5 minutes. I’ve been feeling a bit drained all week, probably due to last weekend’s double-derby header, and other stuff in real life, and I pushed myself way too hard as we began to skate. When Barry called out ‘halfway’ I was already ready to drop and my previous light-footed hippity hop round the corners had morphed into a slow dragged-out crossover attempt. I’m sure I must have looked as if I was skating in slow motion by the end of the 5 minutes…I was still going fast though, Honest!

We also got more than ample time to practice all kinds of stops, turns, transitions and backwards skating techniques. Our fresh meat were doing amazingly well alongside the more advanced skaters, so I felt it was my duty to stop being such a wimp about transitions. When Barry wanted us to glide steadily from forwards to backwards skating, with a complicated looking hop, or terrifying looking jump back to forwards again, I swallowed my many MANY complaints and just did it. And I did it! Surprisingly enough I found it a damn sight easier to leap and twist in the air to right my skating direction than it was to do the twisty/privoty/footy thing, although I’m bloody proud to say that I managed to do both pretty well. I also pulled off many successful forward-to-backward transitions and once again the mohawk stop (or derby stop) was back under my control…but sadly this wasn’t the case when I needed to do either at speed or under pressure. I’ll get there though…this is a new more confident me, willing to try the things I’m sure I can’t do. Thanks to Barry and Hustle’her for all the instruction they gave us, and all the advice on how to get the hang of it quicker :o)

After all the drills there was just enough time for us to do another set of five-minute laps…and oh my god did it hurt. I learnt my lesson and didn’t go hell for leather right from the beginning (I don’t think I could have if I’d have wanted to anyway) but I paid for it with a lap. My first attempt had scored me 27 according to Ouija Broad who’s heels I’d been chasing, and on our second go Ouija and I jousted to be in front but we only just managed 26 laps. I’m incredibly proud to be hot on her heels, as there’s been many a time she’s lapped me doing this drill…I must be getting better!! Saying that she’ll probably leave me for dust next time ;o)

I’m aching so much but I feel sort of euphoric after today’s skate! I really feel like I learnt something today (actually, the past few weeks have made a massive improvement to my skating, my knowledge and above all, my confidence) and that makes me incredibly happy…as does sitting out in the sun in a beer garden with my favorite rollergirls after practice. I’ll miss you all next week!!

It’s been a really amazing few weeks. Goddamn…this blog entry is LONG.

The Lincolnshire Bombers are...A BLAST!

I am the first one to admit that I love to talk...and especially about Roller Derby! I’m really proud to be able to say that because of my incessant Roller Derby prattle - on various internet forums and with my friends – I’ve spawned (by proxy) two brand new Roller Derby Leagues in the UK; The Bedford Bandits Roller Derby, and The Lincolnshire Bombers Roller Girls. It leaves me with a warm fuzzy glow :o)

On Saturday I travelled up to Lincoln to visit with my friends Emma (aka Sheza Payne) and Abi (aka Psycho Hose Rose), and meet the rest of the girls that form the LBRG. It was a long train journey and I was slightly worried that I’d get myself lost somewhere between Redditch (where I live) and Grantham (where Payne was picking me up from the station), but I braved it out and arrived at my destination with the minimum of stress! I was so relaxed in fact that I managed to bypass Payne waiting on the platform…she had to chase me up two flights of stairs and plant a slap on my ass before I even realised she was there! I’m such a muppet.

Our normal tattoo-talk was replaced with a near-on obsessive conversation about Roller Derby that lasted the entire journey home…and the rest of the weekend!! We were celebrating the birthday of one of the LBRG’s smallest refs, Lean Mean Skating Machine #H8, but in between eating curry and watching old movies we still managed to talk up our favorite sport for hours, as well as getting handy changing some wheels that didn’t want to be changed. As soon as the movie was over and the kids were in bed we stepped it up a notch...watching Roller Derby on TV til the wee small hours of the morning.

Practice was scheduled for 11am the next day, and we awoke bright and bleary-eyed, more than ready for some skating action! I was beginning to get worried as Psycho, Buxom Bruiser and Dolly Lephard (as well as Payne herself) were all warning me how hard I’d be expected to work…and about Payne’s punishments! I made sure that I was armed with plenty of cups of tea before I let them drag me out of the house and to the sports hall.

With a fear of squat-thrusts weighing firmly on my mind, I kitted up in seconds and was on the track in no time, revelling in the wonder of the smooth, fast floor…and thanking the Roller Derby Goddess for Sure-Grip Pushers!! As soon as we were warm and stretched the serious skating started, and for the next hour my wheels never once stopped turning. There was NO WAY I was going to fall prey to a punishment drill and I managed to find some previously untapped reserve of willpower. It was a real baptism of muscle-fire, but I managed it, and I think Payne was all the prouder of me for it!

Later on we got to practice some more fun drills that didn’t require us to skate for infinity…things like stops and falls, running on our toestops, trolley cart races and the like. It turns out I’ve forgotten how to stop again, and I might have to face the fact that my body can only handle so many skating skills…if I learn something new something old gets forgotten! Either that or I’m just not getting enough practice in recently!! I need to get me some outdoor training and SOON!

When our two hours was up and we were all sufficently drenched in sweat it was time to let up and go to the pub for a good old rollergirl takeover! Fourteen of us went for food in the end and so our only option was to steal a reserved table (not ours) and cause so much noise that our food was brought out in double-quick time. It seems that the Lincolnshire men favor Roller Derby attire (even going as far as following us round the leisure centre/car park/pub)…but some of the ladies didn’t seem so impressed at the bevvy of fishnet-clad legs that were wandering around the two-for-one! I really enjoyed getting to know the rest of the LBRG without worrying that I was going to have to do squat-thrusts as a payback…they’re a fab bunch of ladies and I can’t wait to skate with them again!!

Later on, I headed back to Payne’s house with her and Psycho where we spent yet more time discussing Roller Derby, planning skate events and watching Rollergirls on DVD. It was a brilliant weekend and I really didn’t want it to end, but eventually it was time to go catch my train. Unfortunately my journey back wasn’t so great and I spent most of it hanging round on train platforms watching snow fall and wishing there was some food around. Luckily, Mr Gory and I have some kind of psychic connection (at least that’s my story…his version is that he’s Omnipotent and can read my mind wherever I am) and he met me at the station before whisking me off to the late-night wonder that is Maccy D’s! He’s a good boy :o)

Sorry that the promised pictures aren’t accompanying this blog, but I managed to stop myself from purchasing the aforementioned shiny shiny camera…HOWEVER!…on my return to Redditch my will failed and off I went to buy it. I can’t help it, it’s an early birthday present to myself and I NEED it for my holiday next week!! Mr Gory’s whisking me and the puppy away to a little pink fairy cottage for my birthday and I CAN’T WAIT (you can tell I’m getting excited when the caps-lock comes on!)!

Gory out!

LBRG this weekend!!...

Once again with the blog neglect…but I’ll ignore that fact and carry on as if I haven’t spent the past month not writing anything on here.

March 21st was the Central City Rollergirls’ first band night and charity fundraiser…Bollocks to Poverty! With the help of musical acts La Mascleta, I Hate You More and Slab we welcomed a whole load of people through the doors of Scruffy Murphy’s…



…and thanks to our event organiser, Block E. Horror…



…and several members of the CCR who devoted their time to baking, decorating Scruffy’s and every other little thing that went into making sure the night went down well, we had a room that looked amazing, and plenty of goodies to entice our partygoers to donate to charity…



…and thanks to the generosity of the friends of the CCR, we had a veritable shit-load of raffle prizes to present our happy, cake-filled guests with…



…I can say with all honesty that the bake sale goodies were gooooooooood…



…and that the raffle was worth spending money on (I spent a tenner to get the coin belt that Belle E. Dancer donated…and totally didn’t win it! Goddamn!)…



…and that a non-normal time was had by all…







…it was a wicked night. The bands were amazing and I can’t wait to have them back for another similar night soon. We’ve got loads of events in the pipeline, and we’re looking forward to inviting all our new friends back to party in Scruffy’s again in a week’s time. This time Betty Machete has taken the helm and will be ordering us around. I may even attempt something for the bake sale…although I’m not sure we want a food poisoning lawsuit on our hands!! :o)

In the past month I’ve also lead practice…a feat in itself as I had over 25 skaters to wrangle into action. Luckily I’ve got a nice loud voice (trained over the years by much screaming at paintball players as an over-keen marshall) and everyone listened to me and pretty much did as I told…even when I told them we were going to endurance train at high speed for ten minutes. I learnt then that even if they’re willing, it’s still better to keep the time scale as a surprise…for the torture factor more than anything else.

I’ve also been to see the London RollerGirls vs Glasgow RollerGirls bout, Riots of Spring. Once again the CCR travelled down to London in a split convoy, but this time we were cheering for the Glasgow team, the Irn Bruisers, who had our own Daisy Pain and Trophy Wife skating with them. We also wanted to cheer on other Birmingham girls, Helen Fury and Violet Attack, who also joined forces with the GRG in their first ever bout. It was less than evenly matched but the GRG showed serious fighting spirit…I can’t wait to see them in their upcoming bout against the BBDD. We screamed ourselves hoarse, bought loads of LRG and GRG goodies, and I got to see my friends of the Lincolnshire Bombers Roller Girls, Bitchin’ Payne and Psycho Hose Rose, as well as my friend Donna who’s thinking of becoming a Rollergirl herself…keep an eye out for a Disney-Tattooed Rollergirl hitting the track soon!!

This weekend I’m heading up to Lincoln to have a skate with Payne, Psycho and the rest of the LBRG…I’m REALLY looking forward to it…more than I can say. I’ve bought a wheelie suitcase in anticipation…mainly because I just didn’t know how to get my stinky skate stuff up on the train. Most Rollergirls end up with so much stuff that they need a massive bag, and there’s nothing better than a massive bag you don’t have to carry…unfortunately I think my bag is slightly too big, what with it being a full size, neon pink suitcase and all…I might have to scope out smaller one’s for the future before I attack it with a Sharpie and my set of iron-on patches and make it my own. It won’t make such a good holiday case if it’s got ‘Hope N. Gory’ scrawlled all over it in permanent marker.

Hopefully I should have some photographic evidence of my LBRG weekend…but that all depends on if I give in to my towering temptation and buy a new camera that isn’t the size of a house brick…

Catch up!

It’s been far too long since I’ve updated. I don’t know why I’m so slack with this…although, then again, I’m slack in every area of my life at the moment. If I were consistent with anything I think I’d go into shock. Thinking about it though, shock would probably be better than this permanent dream-state that I’m floating along in.

Skating’s probably the only thing that focuses my attention (most of the time anyway…Ouija Broad, Daisy Pain and countless other members of the CCR will attest to my serious lack of attention span), especially endurance skating. When we do our five-minute speed skate (with the intention of clocking up at least 20) I’m totally focused on skating: my form (not the best), my team mates (speeding along with me), the cones (sneaking out of line and under my feet)…and that’s the most focused I probably ever am. I haven’t quite got the hang of doing all that and couting my laps at the same time!

Marshalling the Roller Disco is quite a feat for me really. Not only do I need to navigate the whole night on my wheels, but I’ve also got to help everyone else while they’re doing it too…and they all get to do it drunk! :o) I was back there again on Thursday with Chet and Tom, sporting our hi-vis jackets and boogying while we work! It was quite quiet to begin with so the dancefloor was ours until the first customers got their skates on and joined us. I took the opportunity of zero spectators to practice spins and turns…and inadvertantly pulled off my first successful backwards transition! Cue several hours of excited turns, transitions and exceedingly dodgy backwards skating. Nevertheless, it was the best backwards skating I’ve ever done - probably owing a lot to the floor – I was literally skating on air, even when my feet were in agony (five hours is a long time to be standing round in your skates) I couldn’t stop with the transitions. The big question is…will I be able to do it next practice? I really don’t know…at least I have witnesses to back me up!

I missed last week’s practice to head down to Torquay with my mom and my sister (Ami Bovvered) for my oldest friend’s wedding. I was gutted to find out I’d missed a brutal LaBurn-lead practice, but the wedding reception was ace, even if the drive down was a little stressful. Not that I was driving of course…back-seat driving is very hard on the nerves (yeah, that’d be my mom’s nerves I was getting on). I missed aerobics yesterday too. It’s a sorry state of exercise affairs! I got some more work done on my back tattoo yesterday morning. I had about two hours work and it’s pretty much finished, and I knew I’d be too sore for that much leaping around so I cried off. I’m angry at myself for missing so many classes over the past few weeks…things keep coming up and my organisational skills are abysmal. Next week there will be no excuses! At least I've been getting lots of use out of the Wii...

That's my current excuse anyway!

Photoshoot at Scruffy's and Sunday Skating :)

Saturday was our first proper photoshoot at Scruffy Murphy’s. It was great to get together outside practice and posing with our skates was too much fun. At one point we all ventured out into the freezing Birmingham afternoon to get a group shot under the Scruffy’s sign…to the delight of several busfuls of people and a group of guys with camera phones!

We got some excellent shots :) these are just some of them













Then the day after Eve L. Hart made her usual hour-long trawl over to mine to pick me up for practice. It turns out that my mowhawk stops (which I thought I’d almost perfected at our midweek practice a few weeks back) weren’t entirely fluke, but I do need to do a lot of work before they’re anywhere near perfected. As with everything, confidence is the key to pulling it off, and while you have the slightest doubt that you’re not going to turn, and the smallest fear that you’re going to end up on you’re ass, you won’t turn and you will fall on your ass. Just like I did!

Practice rocked though, even if we did get punished for taking ages to kit up. After giving us a stern talking to, Ouija Broad made the stragglers (me included) pull a minute-long plank. God it hurt…but it’s a great way to encourage us to kit up faster in future. I might be able to hold a plank for ages, but there’s no way I’m going to do it if I don’t have to! To warm up we did a five minute speed skate, aiming to get over 20 laps. I’m going to take my clicker with me next time because it’s far too damn hard to skate your fastest, dodging everyone else, pointing out renegade cones AND counting your laps at the same time. I thought I’d only done 25 but Rollin’ Robin had counted 28 and I’d stayed with her the whole time…and I trust her attention span and judgement much better than I trust my own!

We also worked on whips and stealing an assist from your unsuspecting teammates. I'm not too steady on my feet, so sometimes I can give really effective whips, and other times I fall on my bum pulling people to their doom with me. I can use all the practice I can get, but I think that taking your own whip by swinging off the hips and clothes of the girls on your team is much more effective and far more reliable! It might sometimes come as a shock to have your speed suddenly stolen as your jammer wrecks her way through the pack, but I find that at the moment the least intervention I have the better!

Knee falls are another important derby skill, and we spent time working on this too. I always find that it's really easy to do a left knee fall, but my right knee doesn't seem so willing to do its job. I want to fall, I think about the fall, but I just don't pull it off without falling into a dodgy powerslide. I think it's down to my left thigh being abysmally weak compared to my right...with a little work I should be able to pull off a more successful fall. I've already got a lot better at popping straight back up from a left fall without my leg muscles giving out on me...I've got the bouncy madness of aerobics to thank for that! Now I just need to get my left leg as strong and maybe it'll obey me! ha ha

I’m slowly getting better at backwards skating too. It’s really hard to get your head (and your feet) round it, especially when you’re doing it as part of a relay race! It was amazing to see everyone having a go, even our newbies and our first-time skater! It feels totally alien to be rolling backwards though, I just don't get how you're meant to do it! It's SO hard! It’s a confidence thing again, and it’s only down to the fact that I think I can’t do it that I’m falling on my face because I can’t get my backwards-balance! I can’t wait for the weather to warm up more so I can start getting some more practice in outdoors…once a week is not enough skating time…

No skating no cry...

I’ve just got back from a pretty disappointing practice. My legs have been protesting from a lack of exercise, so it was quite depressing when we all turned up at the leisure centre to find out they’d double booked our session. Luckily, we’re in possession of silver-tongued rollergirls and refs so not only did we wangle free refreshments, but we’ve secured (we hope! Fingers crossed for no more double bookings) a free practice session too. Niiiice!

So we hung around making nuisances of ourselves and drinking free coffee til we got the motivation to move onto the pub. It was crap not being able to skate (especially since we were outed by cricket, which is quite clearly an outdoors game. Pfft…) but we got to hold an impromptu meeting about future CCR events. I’m not entirely sure how many of ideas are actually legal…to be honest it’s probably more fun planning them than it would be to put them into practice! We did our usual trick of forgetting how many of us there are, and how much noise we’re making and got stares from the more conservative pub-goers. At least we smelt nice! If we’d have hit there after practice it’d have been a different story…we’d probably have cleared tables.

Bootcamp sounds like it was fun…I’m still disappointed that I couldn’t go but I’ve got to admit that the beer, champagne and copious amounts of indian food made up for it in some small way. The Hen Party was ace…still, it would have been nice to have been part of the roadtrip to london, and even better to get to spend hours and hours skating and playing derby. Hey, at least we’ve got a midweek practice this week, otherwise I’d be climbing the walls. I’d probably even be so desperate I’d go skating outdoors and end up with frostbite.

I’m going to the doctors next week to get my finger checked out. A dog bit me and it’s not been sewn up properly (my finger, not the dog) so the bloodflow is pretty nonexistant sometimes, and I’m kind of worried they’ll want to open it back up to tinker about with it. To be fair though, they’re probably such tiny blood vessels that there’d be nothing they can do. I’ll most likely have to wait til it goes black and needs amputation. Oh, I do like to look on the bright side…(you could almost sing that!)

I...am...so...zzzzzzzzzzzz

It's been a really busy few days...but fun busy, so the tiredness and nausea is well worth it! http://www.tilllate.com/ have uploaded pictures from the Roller Disco last Thursday...



Me, Chet Wisconsin, Lauren LaBurn and Daisy Pain


Chet and Daisy


Me and Daisy before the crowds took over the dancefloor


Daisy is a Pain ;)...I'm so jealous!

I didn't even come close to getting an early night on friday, even though I felt like a zombie, but it didn't stop me being uberexcited about the LRG's New Year's Retribution Bout. The minibus was buzzing with chatter the whole two hour and a half hours there, and in a completely shocking turn of events we didn't get lost in London, we arrived early and we even had time to grab snacks before being the first in the queue to get into the hall. It all paid off and we got amazing trackside seats...and later on we were rewarded with no less than three rollergirls in our laps! N-Emma-Si5, Correctional Felicity and Slice Andice all got thrown into us from out of nowhere (it seemed)...but we held fast and didn't spill our beers.

We were cheering for Team Pink, and it was so close, but in the end Pink managed to pull ahead of Team Black and steal the Retribution victory. Unfortunately Ana Ki sustained an injury, but she was so calm that it was hard to believe she was so badly hurt! Kudos to her...I hope she recovers quickly!

The afterparty was also a lot of fun, even if it did take an age to get served at the bar! We hung out chatting with the Bedford Bandits and the London Rockin' Rollers before jumping in the minibus for the journey home. A few of us succumbed to sleep, which was some mean feat considering the rest of us spent most of the time recounting the bout, the roller disco and the next day's practice as well as singing along (very tunefully) to classic 80s songs...

In the end I got home about half three and into bed for 4am in time to grab another three and a half hour's sleep. Mr Gory's an International Paintball Star and so he was up bright and early for training, waking me and Eve L Hart so I put on the coffee and steeled myself for a two hour Trophy Wife practice on very little sleep and lots of caffine and adrenaline.

Despite wanting to puke for the whole two hours (and skating off at one point to do so) I stuck it out and tried my hardest to lead the pack as Pivot. I'm not 100% sure that Pivot is the best choice for me...it's a lot more involved than you'd probably think. To start with, like every other girl on the track you're having to fight to keep your position (and keep upright) but you're having to do this whilst continuously looking behind you and making sure that none of your team have lost their position or gotten in trouble. And while you're doing all this you're also trying to keep control of the entire pack, scream strategy to your blockers, and be the one to hold back the opposition's Jammer when she's snuck past everyone else...

My attention span isn't so great, and many times during practice it was all I could do to keep wide and low and at the front of the pack, let alone keeping any kind of control. I guess it's not the kind of thing that you're going to be perfect at straight away...maybe once I'm comfortable with the skating position then the other stuff will start to come more naturally. It's so difficult to keep dodging around the track stretched out to take up loads of room, and my thighs were killing me after just a few minutes. I was expecting to be crippled this morning but I seemd to be pretty ache-free in comparisson to my usual post-practice agony. I must be getting fitter...it's hard to believe, maybe it's more like my body has given up complaining. It must think I'm crazy! I was even practicing knee-falls with these massive disco-bruises...I swear Roller Derby has made a masochist of me!

Thinking about it, it's got to have done...from thursday to sunday I had about ten hours sleep, Skated for 7 and a half hours (5 and half at the disco, 2 at practice) travelled for around 8 hours from events and home...and it was such a brilliant weekend that I'm worried the rest of 2008 is going to struggle to match up!!

Panic at the Roller Disco

Something weird is going on with my body…I think it’s finally had enough of me battering the shit out of it and now it’s just ignoring me and getting on with things on its own. Usually, the day after skate practice I feel like all my joint lubrication has dried out and been replaced with hot sand, my shoulders ache and you could probably do a dot-to-dot picture using the bruises and scratches all over me. Tuesday night at aerobics I sweated SO much more than I usually do at skate practice, so I was fully expecting a day of groaning torture on Wednesday, and when I woke up I felt…fine! It was amazing, and weird, and it made me wonder if I’d worked as hard as I thought I had.

If things couldn’t get more amazing after that, a wonderful man had messaged me to ask if I was interested in marshalling the opening night of Birmingham’s Roller Disco! I was so excited at the thought of combining work and skating that I didn’t take the time to think about the 5 hours on wheels…or the 3am finish time. I’ve had three hours sleep but I’m still on a high…albiet a very modest high that expresses itself from under a blanket whilst watching daytime TV. And that's the third amazing thing...even after five hours of skating and only a few hours sleep I've woken up ache-free again!

Me, my fellow CCR (Daisy Pain, Lauren LaBurn and Chet Wisconsin) and the other marshalls policed the dance floors, picking up fallen skaters, helping people get their roll on and taking full advantage of the skatey goodness. It was bliss skating round an empty dancefloor with my friends, and it was even better when the floor was rammed with flailing skaters…I whooped with joy when everyone managed to make one continuous conga circle! I also laughed with hysterics as said conga line collapsed and suddenly we had a very large pile of tangled limbs, skates and disco gear. Bad marshall!

It wasn’t all good though…I may have woken up this morning minus muscle pain, but I was skating without my pads last night and a couple of unfortunate falls (one being pushed at high speed by a cackling Tragic Wrath….who landed on me in true rollergirl style!) meant that it feels like I’ve got golfballs under my black and blue knees! I’m actually a little disappointed that my bruises aren’t bigger because at the moment I can’t get a good photo of them! I’m seriously considering investing in a BIG bottle of witch hazel…just to improve the aesthetic quality of my skating injuries. This non-bruising thing is really getting me down!

Roll on tomorrow…CCR road trip!!

Sgt Major Gory

I think my take on practice was a success….on Saturday night myself, my sister and Eve L. Hart were falling alseep over coffees, and by Sunday morning I received a few texts telling me how much everyone was hurting. It’s two days after now and I still ache like a bastard, and I sat out on one of the most demanding drills because I couldn’t take part and blow the whistle at the same time! The ironic thing was that it was one of the things I needed to practice (knee-dips mid skate to avoid a block or regain your balance), and everyone else already seemed to have gotten it down. But all those knee-dips have got to be hard on your thighs…at least that’s what all the text messages tell me. I wouldn’t know myself ;)

I had so much stuff planned for us to do (I have too many favorite drills) that in the end I had to face the fact that it wasn’t possbile to fit it all in (even factoring in the certainty that with me leading practice the main trouble-maker/timewaster would be occupied) so I focused on endurance skating, games that involved lots of fast skating, dodging and ducking, and relay races. Everyone worked so hard…it was really demanding but we all had fun at the same time. After a few long speed-skake sessions we had a game of dodgeball to lighten things up. It was probably the most fun of all and I sustained a nice patch of rink rash on my ass (and a lovely growing bruise). Ouija Broad and I decided to go for the same fallen ball, but she (the queen of the low-takedown) managed to bump me to my ass as I was squatting down to retrieve it. I was left sitting on my butt as she skated away triumphant. Bitch. She’s too good ;)

I had a wicked time…I’m still glowing from the joy of being ‘Sgt Major’…or maybe it’s just because we had yet another amazing practice? I can’t wait for the LRG bout and our practice next week. We never did get to try out my new drill but I’ll post about it’s success/failure when we do.

Wreck’n’roll xx

anticipation

We’ve been in our new flat for over three months now, and tonight is my second night of web surfing in my own home…I can’t tell you how much I’ve overdosed on the internet in the past 30 odd hours, but it’s obscene.

The new year and seems to be working on me. I’m leading practice this Saturday and I’m actually prepared for it! Organisation is definitely not my strong point (like many other skills that useful adults need) but this time I seem to be on the ball. Sort of. I’ve still got to scale down my list of drills so that it all fits in…I’ve got far too many favorites! Plus I’ve even had the insight to come up with a drill of my own. I don’t know if it’s something that’s already in use and I’ve just overheard someone talking about it, forgotten, and then dreamed the idea up as ‘my own’. Either way, if it works and it’s original then I shall reveal all. I’m a bit paranoid that it might be a big of crap when I try and put it into action.

Saturday is going to be such a challenge. Usually I’m really bad at instructing people on how they should be skating when I know perfectly well what I’m doing for most things. Generally it feels that although I can do it myself, I can’t put together the words to explain to someone else so it’s hard to have confidence in what I’m saying. Every other time I’ve been thrown into it so I’ve kind of stumbled around explaining things, gotten embarrassed and left them to ‘keep practicing!’ This time I’ve had time to prepare, I’ve used it well (shock horror) and with any luck I should make a good immitation of pulling it off.

Roll on the 12th!