6 months....sheesh....

Oh my god…I’m not even going to discuss the fact that I’ve neglected my blog for 6 months ish (well…apart from just then…lol)

It goes without saying that there are a LOT of things that I’ve failed to discuss over the past months. Most notable of everything are the two CCR bouts that have been and gone during my distinct lack of blogging…and they were ace.

In January we skated against ourselves (with a couple of guest Romsey girls thrown into the mix) in a Pink vs Blue bonanza: Breaking the Squeal! For a day, league relations were forgotten as we prepared to do battle against ourselves. It was a great first bout, despite the fact that I completely forgot the rules and yelled at the refs for making me skate all the way round to the penalty box…and then threw Verry Cherry off the track (quite literally actually) for what I had decided was a very naughty back block (I am the law…didn’t you know???). I know I commit lots of penalties (our refs will attest to the fact that I have a love for the forearm block (ILLEGAL!) and that I spend more time than any other skater asking them ‘okay, so what EXACTLY did I do wrong…’) but I will swear on my life that they are all accidental and without malice. I don’t take kindly to what I perceive to be a purposeful push and I wreck my own vengance. I owe a lot to Ravin Maniac for practically sitting on me and shoving a sock in my mouth that afternoon! *must battle with temper before battling with rollergirls in future*

In the end, Team Blue secured a victory over Team Pink and everyone had a great time! I can't wait for our next one!



Our second bout, I Scream Sunday, took place just a couple of weeks ago…and this time we opened our hall to the Auld Reekie Roller Girls, who sent their travel team, The Twisted Thistles, to have a bash at our Belles of Centrinnians. This was the first time we’d thrown a team in to scrimage with a team from another league, and it was definitely a steep learning curve! I think my ribs have only just stopped aching! The skating was hard and fast, and the body blows came harder and faster!! Accumulations of silly little minors meant that both teams spent a lot of time in the sinbin, and at one point the Belles’ line-up consisited of a pivot and a jammer…naughty Belles…but everyone fought hard to do the best for their teams. In the end, the Thistles may have beaten us by 10 points, but I for one felt that we’d done our best not to make their win easy! I was elated to simply be skating in front of an audience (and what an audience!) and engaging in some crashy bashy action…even though we lost I think I was as happy for Auld Reekie’s win as I would have been for our own! I think I must be mellowing in my old age (I turned 27 two days before I Scream Sunday…another step up that hill!). Not only was I ecstatic for another team’s (nay…another LEAGUE’S) win, but I also managed to control my stupid old temper for *most* of the bout!

At one point I got sent off for grabbing a member of the ARRG…but the refs had failed to see that I’d been spun around by a backblock and grabbed her (sorry….whoever you were!) so that I wouldn’t have pirouetted straight into her. Fair enough, I probably should have dropped to the floor and not grabbed anyone at all, but I was angry with those Zebras (and the back block) and I made no bones about who knew it. As I sat down in the penalty box I was STILL yelling, and Ravin Maniac did her league-ly duty again and told me to shut up….this time from the bleachers! Lol…I guess I’ll learn to control myself one of these days. I really should make it my duty to remember that no-one’s going to listen to you if you start ranting!!


Me and my teeniest fan! And her wickedcool sign!


My temporary tattoo sleeve...us Belles of Centrinnians are part-time rebels you know ;) ha ha

I can’t wait for the next few bouts to come, as well as all the other skatey goodness that is to come in the sunshine months. I lost my Outdoor skates for a while (having lent them to someone and promptly forgotten that I’d done it!) but they’re back now and ready to eat up some pavements. I take them with me everywhere I go so there’s always the chance for a skate.

Race for Life is also on the adenda again, and running sessions have started (I’ve only joined in on one though…bad, lazy me) so if I manage to keep up with this blog thing you can look forward to finding out if me and my fellow runners beat our time of 29 minutes from last year! I’m hoping to get my speed up in the next few months…25 minutes should be an easily reachable target!

More soon (with any luck!) xxx

a skate epiphany...or something

Well, it’s been a superwickedlong time since I last updated this thing…there’s been so many things to write about but it seems like I just haven’t had the time to get online and type.

The biggest and most funnest even to happen in the last couple of months was the arrival of Payne D. Spencer, yet another international rollergirl who’s dropped in on the CCR during her travels in the UK! We were lucky enough to have a weekend full of skating planned during her visit, so she and her hubby (Pez D. Spencer…bearer of beautiful skates!) joined us for practice, a night out on the Birmingham tiles (drinks and Wagamama…who could want more?) AND a day in Bedford to scrimmage with other UK leagues, the Bedford Bandits, London Rockin’ Rollers, Winsdor Roller Girls and Romsey Rollerbillies. These are always great events, where we all bring along our favorite drills to share with each other, before joining in a massive pick-up srimmage where we get to batter the hell out of our teammates as well as our usual opposition!

Sunday October 5th was no exception, and although we arrived a tiddly bit late (blame an act of God…that’s the only concievable reason I can think of for a group of rollergirls to be late to an event…not because of satnav failure or terrible directional skills on my part…oh no) we all had a fabulous day, and four hours of skating somehow managed to turn into five before we all unkitted and sloped off to the Hobgoblin for cider and monster munch (which our American guests seemed very taken with…it’s good to see they appreciate the goodness of pickled onion corn snacks!).

After warm ups, falling drills to split your sides, pushes and whips and many other torturous derby drills that are familiar to the UK leagues, Payne introduced us to a favorite drill of her Derby Lite team…Ten Minutes in Hell! Combining speed skating with regular breaks for hardcore reps, this drill is a complete killer, and is now a regular fixture in our practices. I absolutely love it! I can’t thank her enough for showing us this brilliant, horrible drill! Lol…

Then it was onto the scrimmaging…and although Payne hadn’t wanted to join in on the crashy bashy action (I didn’t blame her at all…who would want a broken ankle whilst on vacation and a day before their birthday?!), it didn’t take a whole load of encouragement from the Bandit’s Ab Salute (now known as Helena Hancart) to get her on the track, pivoting and jamming like a pro. She was the star of each of her jams, and everyone agreed that she should showcase her talents in a bigger arena…and I don’t think it’s going to be long before we see her in the big leagues ;)


(Payne D. Spencer Pivoting)


(me jamming on the black team…)

The LRR and the CCR also got the chance to scrimmage with some of the MURDA boys, in the first co-ed roller derby jams the UK has seen! Those boys are fabulous skaters, and I can’t wait to see them in a proper bout situation, alothough I’m not completely convinced it won’t all end in an actual brawl…but that could be just as interesting!!

As well as this, a few of the CCR attended Gerty Go Go’s Halloween Ball to celebrate her 30th birthday. I wasn’t going to make it at first, but Hustle’her, Ouija Broad and Dynomite Bo (my own personal motivational force) talked me into coming ‘just for an hour’…which easily turned into four hours. Yay!! I’m so glad they talked me round…I can be such a stick in the mud sometimes. I didn’t really have a costume (apart from a stupendous pair of vampire fangs that you mould onto your own teeth with quick melting/setting thermoplastic) so I donned my team top, a tutu, some fishnets and legwarmers and became a vampire rollergirl for the night. It was ace…my fangs got so many comments (especially from my fellow vampires who had much more elaborate costumes but were moaning about the inferiority of their dental work to mine) and everone else looked fantastic too! Ouija was a witch, Dynomite a devil woman (no change there then! Lol), hustle was a dark fairy, Pale was Velma from Scooby Doo, Chet was a smart looking day of the dead chappie, Pinkie was a shmexy little kitty, Block Star came as Barbie and her Hubby as god’s gift to women…and Gerty’s friends and family all had wicked costumes…I fell in love with vampire marie antoinette’s dress and wig, and Jack Skeleton dancing with a huge frankenstein foil balloon was a sight to behold indeed!


(me about to vampirise an unsuspecting little dark fairy…)

We’ve also celebrated our first birthday as a league, getting together for drinks, food and karaoke, and to hand out 12 awards and four trophies to the members of the league who’ve helped in some way to build us to what we are in these few months.


(me looking smug with my school of roll award)

The CCR was born in a living room over chilli, beers and cheers in November 2007 and in those early days we had about twelve members and we didn’t know where we’d be in twelve months time. Now we’ve got over 40 skaters, we run monthly events and have brought free roller skating to birmingham’s women…it won’t be long before we’re bringing roller derby to Birmingham audiences either…and a year on from our inception we’re working hard to make our spangly roller derby dream come true. With all the training and preparation we’re putting in we’ll be fucking amazing by the time our skating becomes public property. I’m dying with excitement at the thought!

So…on we go to the reason why I’m actually blogging today (finally)…

I’ve been terrible recently. I’ve been smoking far too many cigarettes, getting out far too little and missing FAR too much practice. A lot of it’s been because we’ve had guests from New Zealand and Australia (trust mine AND Mr Gory’s far away relatives to arrive in the UK at the same time!), but some of it’s been to do with a lack of faith in myself and my abilities…

I know I can skate and I know I can do well, but I’ve had a real lack of focus on the track and at practice in general. I think it’s because I have so much fun around my girls that I stop working hard and start being a clown…I need to just start getting my head down and working harder when I’m findin it tough, rather than making a joke out of myself and distracting everyone else. I find it hard when people are pratting around while I’m coaching so I need to make sure I stop doing it when other people are leading the session and being as much of a hard ass as I usually am when I’m in control of the whistle.

Last night was like some kind of epiphany…we had an amazing practice with our advanced girls scrimmaging against the girls who are relatively new to the game, and the newbies (if it’s right to call them that…I’m sure it isn’t but despite their skills they’re still fairly new) just blew me away, sometimes literally! Lol! They were blimmin brilliant!

I eschewed my normal pivot position to take up the rear of the pack and I discovered amazing things about myself…I can do everything that I think I can’t do, I just need to have a different perspective on things. It turns out that being at the back of the pack was exactly the change in perspective I needed to show me that I’m perfectly capable of playing this game as a team member, rather than a vigilante out to cause my own kind of trouble! It’s true that the pivot travels trough the pack to find the best place for control, but I still find this hard, so for the time being I’m going to hone my skills at the back of the pack, getting harder and more clever before I attempt to take on control of the entire pack. I’d love to be a pivot, but part of me knows it’s only for the glamour of the panty (ha ha…what little glamour that is) and the scant possibility that I might have to take the star, rather than because I’m actually suited to that position. I’ve been told that Bette Noir has commented positively on my pivotting skills (which enlarged my head a great deal, I tell you what!…that was my Hank Hill impression there…) but at the moment I feel I do the team a better service when I’m the first one to clatter the opposition’s jammer and I can yell orders from the back as I chase her through the pack…

Yesterday was just a brilliant day…the skating was fantastic, the scrimmaging was adrenaline-pumping, the girls and boys were all brilliant (even through all my back-pushing, back blocking etc…) and when I got home Mr Gory had run me a bubble bath and filled the bathroom with about 30 candles…*bliss* I can’t imagine a better night…

This is my turning point now. I’ve seen photos from 2 years ago when I was a tiny size 8 (now I’m a very optimistic size 10…aka, size 12) and I’ve had first hand proof that I can be a kick ass derby machine if I WANT to be…so from now on that’s my goal…to get lean and mean and kick the crap out of my flab! It’s cool for derby girls to be all different shapes and sizes, and bigger girls often have the advantage on the track (I’ve definitely noticed my extra weight is of benefit!) but there’s no reason why I can’t be slender and immovable.

I’m also going to keep on top of tracking my fitness progress, so this blog should attest to how well I’m doing (or not doing, whatever the case may be)

Gory out…

Ps…it’s nice to know you read this…because I know you do ;) ha ha

Outdoor skating, why kneehigh socks are a rollergirl's best friend and visiting the Bandits

As I’ve said before…outdoor skating terrifies me and I don’t know why! In my newbie days I was the Queen of being unsteady and falling down so you think I’d have had enough practice by now! I think it’s just a lack of faith in myself and my feet, hopefully it won’t be long until I can glide along as confidently as I do on the smooth sports hall floor!

Luckily for me though, one of our local parks has a lovely circular path that’s pretty smooth so that was where we headed today to practice crossovers and get some clockwise skating in! Our plan was to meet at 6.30pm and, as sod’s law predicted, the rain started at twenty-five past as I was about to walk out of the door with my gear. We weren’t going to let the weather beat us though, and we decided to hide in a car and chat until there was a break in the sogginess, but we’d barely got our skates on before it started again. Nevermind! We figured that as the rain wasn’t that heavy we’d carry on til it got too slippery, and it kept breaking for sunshine anyway so the path stayed pretty much dry.

It was great! It’s on a slight hill so for half of the lap you’re speeding along with ease, and for the second half you’ve got to work really hard not to lose all the speed you’ve built up. It was a really nice surface and there were only a couple of small bumps, and even they were pretty smooth! I was hesitant to do crossovers at first, but the more I skated (and the drier the path became!) the easier they got. I definitely want to get some more practice in tomorrow, so it might be a good idea to put my MP3 player to good use and get some endurance training in!

It’s nice to be able to get some clockwise skating in too, and the length and roundess of the track mean it’s much easier to get comfortable with turning right. I’d like to spend half of practice skating the wrong way, maybe even run each drill anti-clockwise and clockwise, but sometimes it’s not possible, especially if you have a practice dedicated to scrimmaging. My back feels sore all over now, which is a nice change from just being sore on one side!

We also did a time trial each, seeing how many laps we could do in a minute. I managed to do just under four in my minute, but I didn’t crossover the whole way round, and I was pretty slow overall. It’s really frustrating because I don’t have the same fear on the track…even the thought of sliding into a wall doesn’t really scare me because I know I can tuck into a ball and not hurt myself TOO much…but for some reason I can just see all types of unholy skate-death as I’m flailing my way round the paths.

But my key advice to all has to be, do NOT wear trainer liners whilst skating. Ever! Knee-high socks are a Derby Gal’s best friend for a reason people…they look fab when they’re up to your knees, and when the weather’s hot you can ruffle them down and they stop the tongue of your skates from rubbing the HELL out of where your leg and your foot meets. Keep the trainer socks for your trainers…

I’m considering upgrading my out-door setup to a pair of these Skorpion Multi-Terrain skates because they look like they’ll work fantastically on lumpy, bumpy, root-broken paths as well as meaning that I can high-tail it across fields and beaches (not that we have many beaches round here in the midlands) when the mood takes me! I’m just dreaming of taking my dog to the beach out of season (when he’s allowed to enjoy the amenities too!) and racing him in my multi-terrain skates! Ha ha…he’s terrified of me on wheels though so he’ll probably refuse to do anything except knock me to the ground.

I’m also considering upgrading my indoor setup too…it sucks skating in Wickeds that are that tiny bit too big for you. It’d be amazing to be able just to think about my skating and not what my skates are doing on the end of my leg!

As well as outdoor skating, I’ve also been part of a CCR road trip to spread the Derby love. Sunday just gone, myself, Hustle’her, Ouija Broad and Chet Wisconsin made a trip down to Bedford to help the Bandits out with their Derby coaching. Their basic skills coach, Lil’ Joker, is an amazing skater (you have to see him reffing on the ouside of the track, skating backwards faster than the pack’s skating forward to believe it) but he asked us along to share some of our Derby strategy and drills with his ladies. I jumped at the chance to go down and see Ab Salute and her hubby, Ref’in Hell and do some yelling at some skaters!

I’ve been friends with Abs for a couple of years now and met her on a tattoo forum where my infectious chatter about Roller Derby spawned not one, but TWO UK Roller Derby leagues, the Bedford Bandits and the Lincolnshire Bombers (She’za Payne was also a member!) so I feel close to both leagues. It was brilliant to get to meet some more of the Bandits properly…

Here’s my blog for the CCR Myspace blogs:

It’s a well-known fact that the Central City Rollergirls are kind, giving, and always up for a road trip, so it was no surprise that four of us jumped at the chance to head down to Bedford to share some of our favorite drills and strategy tips with the Bandits. Unfortunately, Dorothy Pale was otherwise engaged, so Team Ninja-Coaching (aka Myself, Hustle’her, Ouija Broad and Chet Wisconsin) began the journey one member down. It’s hard to believe, but our capacity to talk about Roller Derby, skating and physical punishment (otherwise known as exercise) always surprises me, but it’s got to be the best way to spend a boring trip down the motorway. Sunday’s trip was no exception, and inbetween breaking down the previous day’s practice, our own skating ability and general league matters we even managed to work out how to best torture the Bandits with our practice plan.

We arrived in plenty of time to have hugs and a chat with Ab Salute and Ref’in Hell, the head honchos of the BBRD camp, but it wasn’t long before we were all kitted up and testing out the sportshall floor. Ab’s wasn’t wrong when she told us we wouldn’t need our pusher wheels, and we all agreed that the Bandits deserve kudos for their sheer leg strength…we were stuck to the floor faster than Chet’s usually stuck to the newbies!

Lil’ Joker was suffering some stress-inducing car-death, so we lost out on his warm-up (believe me, none of the CCR were complaining about this! Members of the London Rockin’ Rollers and the Windsor Roller Girls can attest to torturous nature of his warm-ups at our mixed scrimmages) but Ab Salute was quick to step into his skates, kicking off the session with some gruelling whips and pushes drills, finishing off with sprints before it was our turn to take over.

After a brief run through of the roles of each skating position, we set the Bandits off on the track, practicing their position of choice. Pivots were skating round low and wide, hogging the middle of the track and looking over their shoulders, some blockers were hugging the inside line, others were practicing dodging around the outside and the power blockers were also taking up as much track as possible, checking over their shoulders before doing short sprints as if they were racing through the pack. Then it was onto waterfall drills, making sure each group kept a close proximity. This drill helps skaters learn to work together when they move within the pack, and by intermittantly reaching out to touch their teammates it becomes easier to stick together in a tight pack formation.

We also went through the basics of skating low and wide for the best balance, legal target and blocking zones and shoulder and hip checks before setting up a blocking line to practice the action of both types of hits. I was really impressed (and pretty sore) when Munchin Mong and Inky Mix both managed to send me flying (both times grabbing Hustle’her for support and pulling her with me. Sorry!)…

Then it was onto the important stuff…scrimmaging! In groups of four the Bandits played some two-on-two; blockers vs. assist and jammer. In this game, one skater works to get her jammer past a wall of two opposing skaters. There’s many ways she can create gaps for her partner to get through the middle or the inside, but not around the outside of the ‘pack’.

After that there was just time for one more scrimmage game, where in teams of four, each with three blockers and one jammer, the jammers take it in turns to go through the pack. This drill gives each team the chance to work on a particular strategy; attack or defence. Each team worked hard to do their part, either trying to get their jammer through, or keep the oppositions jammer trapped for as long as possible, and in the end we only had time for each jammer to have one go each before we had to start cooling down and clearing up.

It was great to skate with the Bandits on their home turf, and even more fun to get to help them hone their skills. We were sorry we didn’t get to skate with Lil’ Joker, but it was fantastic to meet some of the team and get to know them all better on a smaller scale (it’s quite hard making friends at mixed scrimmages when there’s about 60 other girls in the hall…) I hope we get to see them all again soon for some skating action!

Oh! And best wishes to Lil’ Joker’s car…we all wish it a speedy (and cheap!) recovery!

…and phew…what a long entry! I’m going to a tattoo art exhibition tonight, run by the gorgeous Mandie Barber(there’s some pictures of my lilies on that site somewhere), so I should hopefully have some intesting non-skating stuff to talk about tomorrow!!

*acts like she never stopped posting*

Oh my GOD! I’m not even going to mention the ‘n’ word (neglect…willful blog-neglect) I’m just going to get on with writing. I’ve missed SO much.

Blame my job. I do! I think having a few weeks (months?) off skating and away from my teammates has made the biggest divide in my brain. I’ve been extremely depressed about it all; my fitness (and my fatness) has suffered and I’m finding it really hard to pull it back again. The regime has begun though…yesterday I skated, tomorrow I’m skating, Sunday I’m coaching (and skating), Tuesday I’m running (and I WILL be running…no lameo excuses for me this week!), Wednesday I’m skating outdoors (with less fear this week) and then Thursday it’s back to practice.

I’m getting tired just thinking about it all, but it’s essential really. I’m angry at my slowness, my lack of breath and my thighs of doom.

To make up for the non-writing and the sheer number of things that I’ve done that have gone unrecorded, this is the blog I wrote for the CCR Myspace about the race for life…



(…I’m the one on the left…then it’s Dynomite Bo, Ouija Broad and Hustle’her)

Besides Hustle'her, who'd already run the race for life a few times on a couple of different courses, I don't think the rest of us were certain what we were taking on when we offered to join her and raise money for Cancer Research on behalf of all of the Central City Rollergirls. We vowed that we'd keep our pace up through the entire 5km race, and so we began training together with this in mind. There's a lot of debate, but we estimate that the path around the Arrow Valley Lake in Redditch is about 1.4 miles so our aim was to get to the point where we found doing two laps around the lake comfortable. To tell the truth, they were less like training sessions and more like gossip fests, but I guess you've got to do something to take your mind off the torturous pain and chatting to your friends is probably the best way to get through it all!

The morning of the race dawned grey and drizzly, but that didn't stop us from arriving at the park over an hour before it was set to start. Accompanied by Mr Gory and Fletchie dog (who wasn't allowed to join in the race on account that he would 'trip people up'…something we tested and found to be true on a few of our training sessions) we stood around in the rain for 45 minutes before the warm-up started, feeling our coats getting heavier by the second. Luckily, the rain dried up as we were called to the start line, and Mr Gory was ready and willing to tote our wet coats (and the dog, and my spare bottles of water) while he waited for us to hit the finish. He deserves a big thank you for being our packhorse and photographer for the morning, and it was lovely to know that he was waiting for us to finish as we got in place to start the race.

Using our rollergirl prowess we shouldered our way to the front of the line which meant that we had a great – and speedy - start to our race, and I think we'd covered about 500 metres before we brought the pace back to something we were all more used to. Unfortunately, the quick start meant that I spent the first two kilometres battling the worst stitch I've EVER had (I could feel the pulled ligaments for days afterwards) so I was a royal pain in the ass to my fellow joggers, demanding that they motivate me and denying that I'd manage to keep running for the whole thing. I'm fairly certain that if I'd have been tackling the course on my own it'd have been a walk, run, walk, run, walk walk walk kind of affair, so I've got to extend a massive thanks to Hustle'her, Dynomite and Ouija. Without them to spur me on I'd probably still be walking the course now!

The course was considerably more difficult than jogging round the lake alone, and running uphill on slippery grass took a lot out of us before we'd even passed the 1km marker. You could tell it was much harder work as we all gritted our teeth and set our minds to moving our legs instead of wagging our chins, and the chatter reduced down to 'are you ok?' and 'we can do this' after a time. The first three markers seemed to be VERY far between as we crossed fields and roads before finding ourselves on familiar ground jogging round the lake, but the fourth marker made it's appearance much sooner than expected and then we were on the final 500m to the finishline. Dynomite drew strength from some unknown source and steamed ahead, sprinting the last part of the race like she'd just started it, and Hustle'her was quick to follow suit. Ouija and I brought up the rear, taking the last 500m at the same pace we'd run most of the race for…I honestly don't think I could have sprinted to save my life at that point, and it was all I could do just to keep on picking up my feet and putting them down again.

We may have been split up, but we all crossed the finsh line in about 29 minutes, and although I felt like I could have puked and passed out as I accepted my medal, goodie bag and water from the nice men in cammo, I felt an amazing sense of elation. I hadn't slowed to a walk and I'd done something I never thought I'd be able to do, and as well as that I'd done it with my friends whilst raising money for charity! Five kilometres doesn't sound like a lot, but to someone who's never run for anything other than the bus before (me) it was a massive challenge to keep going for the entire course. I'll definitely be doing it again next year, hopefully with my running-mates, and hopefully in under 29 minutes! Watch this space…



…I look horrific in this picture. BLAME THE RAIN!…root of all evil *grumbles*

So, back to the present day!

I've been getting more and more excited about the idea of league coaching. I guess it says a lot about me that I like to yell at everyone and make them do as I say...but I really don't care! ha ha...I've been on a HUGE drill-hunt on t'interweb and I've discovered so many new, fun and grueling drills. I'll be taking some of them to Bedford with me this weekend to show the bandits how to cause their ladies the most pain and apres-skate aches.

I've also been feeling more and more that although I'm a good skater I'm nowhere near natural enough on my skates. The only cure for this? More skating...and not just that, but more skating on uneven, unreliable surfaces, up and down hills, and where people can see me and jeer.

I have to say, I was totally unprepared for how much people don't give a toss about people on skates. They don't realise you can't stop on a penny, they don't realise you can't skate past them when the only room they give you is two feet of pavement on a camber that threatens to spill you into the water...they also don't realise how much hard work it is. It's easy to made snide remarks when you're wandering along enjoying the sunshine, it's not so easy when you have four wheels on each foot and you're trying to duck-walk your way up a massive hill (or tip-toe up it on your toe-stops as I was more likely to be seen doing).

It's difficult...I don't like being looked at and I especially don't like being talked about WHILST being looked at, so it's not the easiest thing for me to strap skates on and waddle around in public. However, I'm not going to be a big whining baby (as Mr Gory called me when I admitted to him I'd quit skating after just one lap of the lake while Ouija and Hustle'her were happy to do another) and I'm going to keep on trying it until I'm less terrified! Right now the sheer effort of not descending into a panic attack is enough to leave me shaking and exhausted...I can't wait for the day when I can skate along outdoors without seeing visions of myself kissing the pavement, rolling over a pedestrian, gamboling into the lake or other appropriate embarrassing and painful situtaion...

...I really don't know why I'm so scared. I fall all the time in practice!...and besides that, how many kids play on rollerskates without fear?!

I'm sorely tempted to try blading though, quads seem to dislike uneven floors as much as I do!

More SOON! xx

g.u.t.t.e.d.....

So, I started work today...only part time, just to bring some money in while I finish my dissertation (and to stop myself from going slowly crazy...sorry, crazier), but work none the less. The good and bad thing about it is that the shifts are unstructured, so I'm guaranteed 16 hours of work (or more) but I'm not guaranteed what days, times, or shift lengths I'll be working. I really don't think that I'll mind this most of the time...except for right now it seems.

The absolutely gutting thing is that after missing two weeks of practice because of weddings and travelling places, I'm now going to have to miss another two weeks of practice to work. Goddamn. It's probably karma for not going jogging recently or not getting on with my uni work...I'll have to throw myself into it all to forget that I won't be skating 'til the first of our Get Yer Skates on Events on the 1st of June (see the CCR myspace for more details on both events). Even then it'll only be to show other people how to skate (rather than trying to knock them down as usual) so it'll be skating at a very low volume :(

It's back to work tomorrow...with a list of practice dates to beg my manager with, and with any luck I might get some derby practice in before the year is out! I think it's time to get my lazy ass outside and skating...

Mixed practice video...

...a video (made by Chet Wisconsin) that sort of sums up the madness that was our mixed practice with the London Rockin' Rollers, the Bedford Bandits and the Windsor Roller Girls :o)

Central City Rollergirls Milton Keynes practice 27/4/08

Race for life...

On Sunday 6th July, Dynomite Bo, Hustle'her, Ouija Broad and I will be hitting the pavements of Arrow Valley Lake to join the Race for Life and raise money for cancer research.

I'm quite excited...I know it's not a huge distance, but jogging isn't really my bag (baby) so it's sort of a big deal that I'm hoping to run the entire distance. The key word there is *hoping*, as I actually don't have any clue if I can keep my body moving at speed for that long!! Today the dog and I are going to buy a stretchy running lead so he can help me train (okay...pull me up hills), it's just a shame he can't join the race with us. According to the race for life people he'll trip people over...I was shocked that they knew him so well!

Pretty pretty please click either of the race for life images and sponsor the four of us to help us reach (and maybe even double?!) our target of £200...even the teenyest donation will be greatly appreciated! Thank you in advance :)

Playing catch-up...

I’m a terrible blogger…I’ve done countless Derby-related things in the past three weeks and yet NONE of them have been documented! Oh, the audacity of me!

BBDD vs GRG

On the 12th of April the CCR boys and girls ventured the short distance to Cocks Moor (ha ha…never fails to amuse!) to watch the Blitz Dames defend their turf as the Glasgow Roller Girls fought to secure a win. I’d already been down to London to cheer the Glasgow girls on so, despite being a member of another Birmingham based league, I did the same again at their second bout. To begin with it really seemed as if the GRG had secured a victory, but the Blitz Dames clawed back the lead out of nowhere some time in the second half. It was hard to say for sure what happened as the scoreboard wasn’t regularly updated, making it really difficult to figure out how each jam had been scored. Nevertheless, it was a good game and I screamed myself stupid for the entire two periods, giving Mr Gory and Psycho Spiller of the LBRG (who were sat on either side of me) tinnitus. I was disappointed for the GRG, but I’m sure they won’t let it faze them…I can’t wait to skate with them at some point :)

I got a few photos from the bout but they’re best viewed on my myspace. Unfortunately my camera found the crappy Cocks Moor lighting hard to deal with…

the LRG pay a visit…



On the 13th, the CCR were up bright and early (well, early for us…) to welcome some of the London Roller Girls to our practice. They brought with them some amazing skating skill as well as really useful ideas for drills and advice on how we can all improve our technique. Led by Bette Noir, we all did drills that develop speed, endurance, accuracy and balance before pairing off to get some one-on-one advice on how to batter the crap out of other women with your ass. I’ve got to extend a HUGE thank you to Auntie Terror (who I can’t find on myspace to thank in comment form!) who spent a lot of time letting me crash into her butt-first while offering me tips on how I could do it better…I learnt so much!

After that it was onto the scrimmaging (picture me rubbing my hands in glee), with us all mixed up together…and may I add, thank god! I pivoted against Fox Sake a couple of times, and she was lethal enough as it was without being teamed up with one of my nemesi (that is the mutiple of nemesis isn’t it?!), Hustle’her. Together they formed walls, bumped me out the way, and pretty much skated circles round me…and I couldn’t have been more impressed!

If I’m honest, I kind of impressed myself too. I think I did a better-than-normal (my version of normal that is) rendition of Pivoting, and I somehow developed a bit of a talent for pushing my own teammates into the spaces that I knew I couldn’t fill fast enough. I had the BEST time. It’s the closest to the zone that I’ve ever been and it’s got me hungry for more! The entire practice was fabulous in fact…and when I think back to it the memories have stars, hearts and glitter round the edges. They might be formidible on the track, but they’re all sweethearts. Another massive thank you to the LRG for travelling up and skating with us…it was lovely to meet some of you properly, I’m just sorry I couldn’t make it to the after-skate drinkies!!

a visit from Kaos

In our next week’s practice (last week) we were graced by a guest skater…Ms Raven Von Kaos of the Santa Cruz Roller Girls. She was more than a match for the best of our skaters and it was a total pleasure telling her what to do! Yes, it was that time again: Gory’s turn to lead practice. Apparently I’m a hard taskmaster, but considering I spend a good proportion of the session skating slowly slooowly round the inside of the track, blowing my whistle, screaming orders and generally forgetting to look at/press buttons on my stopwatch, I don’t finish practice with that nice glowy ache that only Derby can spread and therefore have no idea how hard I work my skaters. Like I said, according to them it’s pretty damn hard, but that doesn’t stop me from trying to think up new and more imaginative ways to torture them into being kick-ass skaters.

Even though I can’t really get involved I always end up using the drills that I love best, and after the LRG’s visit the week before I couldn’t help but include hot laps, where skaters perform sets of laps in skill groups to focus on specific areas of skating. This time it was speed and pack drills, with the first involving a speed sprint around the track in your group, and the second being a pack drill where speed and proximity make skating difficult. I was really impressed that even our newest newbies had a go…maybe it was something to do with my hugely loud voice and slightly too-quick temper? No no, I’m sure it was nothing more than their sheer enthusiasm for skating!! Ha ha…no, seriously, I’m sure.

I also brought along a drill I’d learnt from the Lincolnshire Bombers Roller Girls during my recent trip to Lincoln and had everyone (once again down to the newest newbies…these girls are pretty hardcore) being whipped and pulled around the hall in what the LBRG call the Inertia drill. Holding hands with a partner, the idea is to pull her along and whip her forward before being pulled along yourself…it’s hard to explain but I’m sure there’s versions of it going on in leagues all over the country…I’m pretty sure it’s also known as the whip and pull drill too but I could have just misunderstood drill explainations. It wouldn’t be the first time!!

I do love to lead practice, but I don’t particularly like the shouty bitch it turns me into. I’m the kind of person who demands eye contact and silence before I will actually believe that you’re listening to me (as Mr Gory will attest…he often hears the words ‘are you even listening?!’) and so I don’t work well in an environment where people are whispering and don’t seem to be paying 310% attention to me. Cue lots of whistle blowing, shouting and name calling…Chatty McChatterson being the name of choice (yes Chet Wisconsin, I’m talking about you!!). It hadn’t occurred to me before I read Chet’s blog on the CCR myspace that my technique of simply employing my lungs when people are being said Chatty McChatterson is actually a bit soft of me. So be warned CCR girls and boys (Chet especially…and Jack Beam!) from now on your snake-like hissings will no longer be a backdrop to my drill explaination…oh no! Instead, my voice will be accompained by the usual noises that go with squat thrusts. Happy days.

I’m kind of glad I wasn’t skating as hard as everyone else was that afternoon as it was just the first installment in a Derby double-header weekend…the next day the CCR plus Raven were off to visit with the London Rockin Rollers, the Bedford Bandits and the Windsor Roller Girls for a mixed practice and a bit of scrimmagy goodness. Something to look forward to indeed!!

mixed practice…



So…the CCR bus was off bright and early (once again…I hate early mornings), headed for Milton Keynes and a date with some fabulous Rollergirls and their entourages. The leagues took it in turn to deliver drills, and we got to do yet more hotlaps (I was reminded that doing them is definitely more strenuous than it looks) as well as a few hardcore races and Lil Joker’s very own brand of torture on wheels.

Once again I more than impressed myself with some serious toe-stop running during both the hotlaps and the LRR’s version of the bleep-test for skaters. I’ve never felt like I could do them, but when I visited the Lincoln Bombers I got the chance to practice them in my own time and I found a well of previously undiscovered confidence that enabled me to carry on pulling off said toe-stop running during the CCR practices that followed. This mixed practice was like the ultimate acid test for my newfound skill and I got plenty of opportunity to keep proving to myself that I could still do it…despite being mortally terrified that I’d end up on my face in front of so many unfamiliar skaters.

The scrimmaging part of the practice was brilliant too, with everyone mixing it up within their skill set to get as many jams as possible. There were so many of us that we needed at least another hour to really get our teeth into each other properly, but during the short time we had I saw some really amazing skating. I’ve got to say, I was pleased that I was skating WITH Jack Attack and not against her…that girl was everywhere at the same time! Once again, I had the best BEST time, and even an unexplained excruciating pain in my wrist didn’t take me off my wheels. I’ve really been feeling the Derby love these past few weeks :o) partly because of all the lovely skaters I’ve met, partly because of all the superbad skate-time I’ve gotten in, and mostly because yet another of my lovely friends is rolling onto the Derby scene. She’s a London lass but Donna’ll be travelling up to Lincoln to skate with the Bombers and be their ref…which means we can steal her if we’re ever in search of Zebras! HOORAY!!

After the practice it was off to the pub for some well deserved bevvies and a long chat about our favorite subject…roller derby! I got to spend a good long time with the ever lovely Margy Bargy of the LRR, who is quite possibly the sweetest woman I’ve ever met, as well as being an amazing skater. It was really good to get to spend some time hanging out with the other leagues, and the pear cider was more than welcome after three hours of skating :o)

present day…finally! *phew*

Today our practice was lead by Hustle’her and our ref, Barry Fight. Both of them are really keen to whip us into shape, so they were relentless and brutal…and it was brilliant! Their practice, combined with the fact that I’ve been sat here typing for so long, has incited my legs to go on strike. I tried to stand up a minute ago and discovered that I couldn’t! I think they’ve more than done their job…

Warm up was more intense than usual, and after a quick stretch (that I led…with a few tips pinched from the LRR’s Speedpixie) we were up and doing as many laps as we could in 5 minutes. I’ve been feeling a bit drained all week, probably due to last weekend’s double-derby header, and other stuff in real life, and I pushed myself way too hard as we began to skate. When Barry called out ‘halfway’ I was already ready to drop and my previous light-footed hippity hop round the corners had morphed into a slow dragged-out crossover attempt. I’m sure I must have looked as if I was skating in slow motion by the end of the 5 minutes…I was still going fast though, Honest!

We also got more than ample time to practice all kinds of stops, turns, transitions and backwards skating techniques. Our fresh meat were doing amazingly well alongside the more advanced skaters, so I felt it was my duty to stop being such a wimp about transitions. When Barry wanted us to glide steadily from forwards to backwards skating, with a complicated looking hop, or terrifying looking jump back to forwards again, I swallowed my many MANY complaints and just did it. And I did it! Surprisingly enough I found it a damn sight easier to leap and twist in the air to right my skating direction than it was to do the twisty/privoty/footy thing, although I’m bloody proud to say that I managed to do both pretty well. I also pulled off many successful forward-to-backward transitions and once again the mohawk stop (or derby stop) was back under my control…but sadly this wasn’t the case when I needed to do either at speed or under pressure. I’ll get there though…this is a new more confident me, willing to try the things I’m sure I can’t do. Thanks to Barry and Hustle’her for all the instruction they gave us, and all the advice on how to get the hang of it quicker :o)

After all the drills there was just enough time for us to do another set of five-minute laps…and oh my god did it hurt. I learnt my lesson and didn’t go hell for leather right from the beginning (I don’t think I could have if I’d have wanted to anyway) but I paid for it with a lap. My first attempt had scored me 27 according to Ouija Broad who’s heels I’d been chasing, and on our second go Ouija and I jousted to be in front but we only just managed 26 laps. I’m incredibly proud to be hot on her heels, as there’s been many a time she’s lapped me doing this drill…I must be getting better!! Saying that she’ll probably leave me for dust next time ;o)

I’m aching so much but I feel sort of euphoric after today’s skate! I really feel like I learnt something today (actually, the past few weeks have made a massive improvement to my skating, my knowledge and above all, my confidence) and that makes me incredibly happy…as does sitting out in the sun in a beer garden with my favorite rollergirls after practice. I’ll miss you all next week!!

It’s been a really amazing few weeks. Goddamn…this blog entry is LONG.

LBRG this weekend!!...

Once again with the blog neglect…but I’ll ignore that fact and carry on as if I haven’t spent the past month not writing anything on here.

March 21st was the Central City Rollergirls’ first band night and charity fundraiser…Bollocks to Poverty! With the help of musical acts La Mascleta, I Hate You More and Slab we welcomed a whole load of people through the doors of Scruffy Murphy’s…



…and thanks to our event organiser, Block E. Horror…



…and several members of the CCR who devoted their time to baking, decorating Scruffy’s and every other little thing that went into making sure the night went down well, we had a room that looked amazing, and plenty of goodies to entice our partygoers to donate to charity…



…and thanks to the generosity of the friends of the CCR, we had a veritable shit-load of raffle prizes to present our happy, cake-filled guests with…



…I can say with all honesty that the bake sale goodies were gooooooooood…



…and that the raffle was worth spending money on (I spent a tenner to get the coin belt that Belle E. Dancer donated…and totally didn’t win it! Goddamn!)…



…and that a non-normal time was had by all…







…it was a wicked night. The bands were amazing and I can’t wait to have them back for another similar night soon. We’ve got loads of events in the pipeline, and we’re looking forward to inviting all our new friends back to party in Scruffy’s again in a week’s time. This time Betty Machete has taken the helm and will be ordering us around. I may even attempt something for the bake sale…although I’m not sure we want a food poisoning lawsuit on our hands!! :o)

In the past month I’ve also lead practice…a feat in itself as I had over 25 skaters to wrangle into action. Luckily I’ve got a nice loud voice (trained over the years by much screaming at paintball players as an over-keen marshall) and everyone listened to me and pretty much did as I told…even when I told them we were going to endurance train at high speed for ten minutes. I learnt then that even if they’re willing, it’s still better to keep the time scale as a surprise…for the torture factor more than anything else.

I’ve also been to see the London RollerGirls vs Glasgow RollerGirls bout, Riots of Spring. Once again the CCR travelled down to London in a split convoy, but this time we were cheering for the Glasgow team, the Irn Bruisers, who had our own Daisy Pain and Trophy Wife skating with them. We also wanted to cheer on other Birmingham girls, Helen Fury and Violet Attack, who also joined forces with the GRG in their first ever bout. It was less than evenly matched but the GRG showed serious fighting spirit…I can’t wait to see them in their upcoming bout against the BBDD. We screamed ourselves hoarse, bought loads of LRG and GRG goodies, and I got to see my friends of the Lincolnshire Bombers Roller Girls, Bitchin’ Payne and Psycho Hose Rose, as well as my friend Donna who’s thinking of becoming a Rollergirl herself…keep an eye out for a Disney-Tattooed Rollergirl hitting the track soon!!

This weekend I’m heading up to Lincoln to have a skate with Payne, Psycho and the rest of the LBRG…I’m REALLY looking forward to it…more than I can say. I’ve bought a wheelie suitcase in anticipation…mainly because I just didn’t know how to get my stinky skate stuff up on the train. Most Rollergirls end up with so much stuff that they need a massive bag, and there’s nothing better than a massive bag you don’t have to carry…unfortunately I think my bag is slightly too big, what with it being a full size, neon pink suitcase and all…I might have to scope out smaller one’s for the future before I attack it with a Sharpie and my set of iron-on patches and make it my own. It won’t make such a good holiday case if it’s got ‘Hope N. Gory’ scrawlled all over it in permanent marker.

Hopefully I should have some photographic evidence of my LBRG weekend…but that all depends on if I give in to my towering temptation and buy a new camera that isn’t the size of a house brick…

Dog-dana...

By the cutest quirk of luck, the stupid dog boutique at Pets at Home stocks LOADS of pink and black dog-wear...

Oh...my poor poor pooch...

No skating no cry...

I’ve just got back from a pretty disappointing practice. My legs have been protesting from a lack of exercise, so it was quite depressing when we all turned up at the leisure centre to find out they’d double booked our session. Luckily, we’re in possession of silver-tongued rollergirls and refs so not only did we wangle free refreshments, but we’ve secured (we hope! Fingers crossed for no more double bookings) a free practice session too. Niiiice!

So we hung around making nuisances of ourselves and drinking free coffee til we got the motivation to move onto the pub. It was crap not being able to skate (especially since we were outed by cricket, which is quite clearly an outdoors game. Pfft…) but we got to hold an impromptu meeting about future CCR events. I’m not entirely sure how many of ideas are actually legal…to be honest it’s probably more fun planning them than it would be to put them into practice! We did our usual trick of forgetting how many of us there are, and how much noise we’re making and got stares from the more conservative pub-goers. At least we smelt nice! If we’d have hit there after practice it’d have been a different story…we’d probably have cleared tables.

Bootcamp sounds like it was fun…I’m still disappointed that I couldn’t go but I’ve got to admit that the beer, champagne and copious amounts of indian food made up for it in some small way. The Hen Party was ace…still, it would have been nice to have been part of the roadtrip to london, and even better to get to spend hours and hours skating and playing derby. Hey, at least we’ve got a midweek practice this week, otherwise I’d be climbing the walls. I’d probably even be so desperate I’d go skating outdoors and end up with frostbite.

I’m going to the doctors next week to get my finger checked out. A dog bit me and it’s not been sewn up properly (my finger, not the dog) so the bloodflow is pretty nonexistant sometimes, and I’m kind of worried they’ll want to open it back up to tinker about with it. To be fair though, they’re probably such tiny blood vessels that there’d be nothing they can do. I’ll most likely have to wait til it goes black and needs amputation. Oh, I do like to look on the bright side…(you could almost sing that!)