a skate epiphany...or something

Well, it’s been a superwickedlong time since I last updated this thing…there’s been so many things to write about but it seems like I just haven’t had the time to get online and type.

The biggest and most funnest even to happen in the last couple of months was the arrival of Payne D. Spencer, yet another international rollergirl who’s dropped in on the CCR during her travels in the UK! We were lucky enough to have a weekend full of skating planned during her visit, so she and her hubby (Pez D. Spencer…bearer of beautiful skates!) joined us for practice, a night out on the Birmingham tiles (drinks and Wagamama…who could want more?) AND a day in Bedford to scrimmage with other UK leagues, the Bedford Bandits, London Rockin’ Rollers, Winsdor Roller Girls and Romsey Rollerbillies. These are always great events, where we all bring along our favorite drills to share with each other, before joining in a massive pick-up srimmage where we get to batter the hell out of our teammates as well as our usual opposition!

Sunday October 5th was no exception, and although we arrived a tiddly bit late (blame an act of God…that’s the only concievable reason I can think of for a group of rollergirls to be late to an event…not because of satnav failure or terrible directional skills on my part…oh no) we all had a fabulous day, and four hours of skating somehow managed to turn into five before we all unkitted and sloped off to the Hobgoblin for cider and monster munch (which our American guests seemed very taken with…it’s good to see they appreciate the goodness of pickled onion corn snacks!).

After warm ups, falling drills to split your sides, pushes and whips and many other torturous derby drills that are familiar to the UK leagues, Payne introduced us to a favorite drill of her Derby Lite team…Ten Minutes in Hell! Combining speed skating with regular breaks for hardcore reps, this drill is a complete killer, and is now a regular fixture in our practices. I absolutely love it! I can’t thank her enough for showing us this brilliant, horrible drill! Lol…

Then it was onto the scrimmaging…and although Payne hadn’t wanted to join in on the crashy bashy action (I didn’t blame her at all…who would want a broken ankle whilst on vacation and a day before their birthday?!), it didn’t take a whole load of encouragement from the Bandit’s Ab Salute (now known as Helena Hancart) to get her on the track, pivoting and jamming like a pro. She was the star of each of her jams, and everyone agreed that she should showcase her talents in a bigger arena…and I don’t think it’s going to be long before we see her in the big leagues ;)


(Payne D. Spencer Pivoting)


(me jamming on the black team…)

The LRR and the CCR also got the chance to scrimmage with some of the MURDA boys, in the first co-ed roller derby jams the UK has seen! Those boys are fabulous skaters, and I can’t wait to see them in a proper bout situation, alothough I’m not completely convinced it won’t all end in an actual brawl…but that could be just as interesting!!

As well as this, a few of the CCR attended Gerty Go Go’s Halloween Ball to celebrate her 30th birthday. I wasn’t going to make it at first, but Hustle’her, Ouija Broad and Dynomite Bo (my own personal motivational force) talked me into coming ‘just for an hour’…which easily turned into four hours. Yay!! I’m so glad they talked me round…I can be such a stick in the mud sometimes. I didn’t really have a costume (apart from a stupendous pair of vampire fangs that you mould onto your own teeth with quick melting/setting thermoplastic) so I donned my team top, a tutu, some fishnets and legwarmers and became a vampire rollergirl for the night. It was ace…my fangs got so many comments (especially from my fellow vampires who had much more elaborate costumes but were moaning about the inferiority of their dental work to mine) and everone else looked fantastic too! Ouija was a witch, Dynomite a devil woman (no change there then! Lol), hustle was a dark fairy, Pale was Velma from Scooby Doo, Chet was a smart looking day of the dead chappie, Pinkie was a shmexy little kitty, Block Star came as Barbie and her Hubby as god’s gift to women…and Gerty’s friends and family all had wicked costumes…I fell in love with vampire marie antoinette’s dress and wig, and Jack Skeleton dancing with a huge frankenstein foil balloon was a sight to behold indeed!


(me about to vampirise an unsuspecting little dark fairy…)

We’ve also celebrated our first birthday as a league, getting together for drinks, food and karaoke, and to hand out 12 awards and four trophies to the members of the league who’ve helped in some way to build us to what we are in these few months.


(me looking smug with my school of roll award)

The CCR was born in a living room over chilli, beers and cheers in November 2007 and in those early days we had about twelve members and we didn’t know where we’d be in twelve months time. Now we’ve got over 40 skaters, we run monthly events and have brought free roller skating to birmingham’s women…it won’t be long before we’re bringing roller derby to Birmingham audiences either…and a year on from our inception we’re working hard to make our spangly roller derby dream come true. With all the training and preparation we’re putting in we’ll be fucking amazing by the time our skating becomes public property. I’m dying with excitement at the thought!

So…on we go to the reason why I’m actually blogging today (finally)…

I’ve been terrible recently. I’ve been smoking far too many cigarettes, getting out far too little and missing FAR too much practice. A lot of it’s been because we’ve had guests from New Zealand and Australia (trust mine AND Mr Gory’s far away relatives to arrive in the UK at the same time!), but some of it’s been to do with a lack of faith in myself and my abilities…

I know I can skate and I know I can do well, but I’ve had a real lack of focus on the track and at practice in general. I think it’s because I have so much fun around my girls that I stop working hard and start being a clown…I need to just start getting my head down and working harder when I’m findin it tough, rather than making a joke out of myself and distracting everyone else. I find it hard when people are pratting around while I’m coaching so I need to make sure I stop doing it when other people are leading the session and being as much of a hard ass as I usually am when I’m in control of the whistle.

Last night was like some kind of epiphany…we had an amazing practice with our advanced girls scrimmaging against the girls who are relatively new to the game, and the newbies (if it’s right to call them that…I’m sure it isn’t but despite their skills they’re still fairly new) just blew me away, sometimes literally! Lol! They were blimmin brilliant!

I eschewed my normal pivot position to take up the rear of the pack and I discovered amazing things about myself…I can do everything that I think I can’t do, I just need to have a different perspective on things. It turns out that being at the back of the pack was exactly the change in perspective I needed to show me that I’m perfectly capable of playing this game as a team member, rather than a vigilante out to cause my own kind of trouble! It’s true that the pivot travels trough the pack to find the best place for control, but I still find this hard, so for the time being I’m going to hone my skills at the back of the pack, getting harder and more clever before I attempt to take on control of the entire pack. I’d love to be a pivot, but part of me knows it’s only for the glamour of the panty (ha ha…what little glamour that is) and the scant possibility that I might have to take the star, rather than because I’m actually suited to that position. I’ve been told that Bette Noir has commented positively on my pivotting skills (which enlarged my head a great deal, I tell you what!…that was my Hank Hill impression there…) but at the moment I feel I do the team a better service when I’m the first one to clatter the opposition’s jammer and I can yell orders from the back as I chase her through the pack…

Yesterday was just a brilliant day…the skating was fantastic, the scrimmaging was adrenaline-pumping, the girls and boys were all brilliant (even through all my back-pushing, back blocking etc…) and when I got home Mr Gory had run me a bubble bath and filled the bathroom with about 30 candles…*bliss* I can’t imagine a better night…

This is my turning point now. I’ve seen photos from 2 years ago when I was a tiny size 8 (now I’m a very optimistic size 10…aka, size 12) and I’ve had first hand proof that I can be a kick ass derby machine if I WANT to be…so from now on that’s my goal…to get lean and mean and kick the crap out of my flab! It’s cool for derby girls to be all different shapes and sizes, and bigger girls often have the advantage on the track (I’ve definitely noticed my extra weight is of benefit!) but there’s no reason why I can’t be slender and immovable.

I’m also going to keep on top of tracking my fitness progress, so this blog should attest to how well I’m doing (or not doing, whatever the case may be)

Gory out…

Ps…it’s nice to know you read this…because I know you do ;) ha ha

Playing catch-up...

I’m a terrible blogger…I’ve done countless Derby-related things in the past three weeks and yet NONE of them have been documented! Oh, the audacity of me!

BBDD vs GRG

On the 12th of April the CCR boys and girls ventured the short distance to Cocks Moor (ha ha…never fails to amuse!) to watch the Blitz Dames defend their turf as the Glasgow Roller Girls fought to secure a win. I’d already been down to London to cheer the Glasgow girls on so, despite being a member of another Birmingham based league, I did the same again at their second bout. To begin with it really seemed as if the GRG had secured a victory, but the Blitz Dames clawed back the lead out of nowhere some time in the second half. It was hard to say for sure what happened as the scoreboard wasn’t regularly updated, making it really difficult to figure out how each jam had been scored. Nevertheless, it was a good game and I screamed myself stupid for the entire two periods, giving Mr Gory and Psycho Spiller of the LBRG (who were sat on either side of me) tinnitus. I was disappointed for the GRG, but I’m sure they won’t let it faze them…I can’t wait to skate with them at some point :)

I got a few photos from the bout but they’re best viewed on my myspace. Unfortunately my camera found the crappy Cocks Moor lighting hard to deal with…

the LRG pay a visit…



On the 13th, the CCR were up bright and early (well, early for us…) to welcome some of the London Roller Girls to our practice. They brought with them some amazing skating skill as well as really useful ideas for drills and advice on how we can all improve our technique. Led by Bette Noir, we all did drills that develop speed, endurance, accuracy and balance before pairing off to get some one-on-one advice on how to batter the crap out of other women with your ass. I’ve got to extend a HUGE thank you to Auntie Terror (who I can’t find on myspace to thank in comment form!) who spent a lot of time letting me crash into her butt-first while offering me tips on how I could do it better…I learnt so much!

After that it was onto the scrimmaging (picture me rubbing my hands in glee), with us all mixed up together…and may I add, thank god! I pivoted against Fox Sake a couple of times, and she was lethal enough as it was without being teamed up with one of my nemesi (that is the mutiple of nemesis isn’t it?!), Hustle’her. Together they formed walls, bumped me out the way, and pretty much skated circles round me…and I couldn’t have been more impressed!

If I’m honest, I kind of impressed myself too. I think I did a better-than-normal (my version of normal that is) rendition of Pivoting, and I somehow developed a bit of a talent for pushing my own teammates into the spaces that I knew I couldn’t fill fast enough. I had the BEST time. It’s the closest to the zone that I’ve ever been and it’s got me hungry for more! The entire practice was fabulous in fact…and when I think back to it the memories have stars, hearts and glitter round the edges. They might be formidible on the track, but they’re all sweethearts. Another massive thank you to the LRG for travelling up and skating with us…it was lovely to meet some of you properly, I’m just sorry I couldn’t make it to the after-skate drinkies!!

a visit from Kaos

In our next week’s practice (last week) we were graced by a guest skater…Ms Raven Von Kaos of the Santa Cruz Roller Girls. She was more than a match for the best of our skaters and it was a total pleasure telling her what to do! Yes, it was that time again: Gory’s turn to lead practice. Apparently I’m a hard taskmaster, but considering I spend a good proportion of the session skating slowly slooowly round the inside of the track, blowing my whistle, screaming orders and generally forgetting to look at/press buttons on my stopwatch, I don’t finish practice with that nice glowy ache that only Derby can spread and therefore have no idea how hard I work my skaters. Like I said, according to them it’s pretty damn hard, but that doesn’t stop me from trying to think up new and more imaginative ways to torture them into being kick-ass skaters.

Even though I can’t really get involved I always end up using the drills that I love best, and after the LRG’s visit the week before I couldn’t help but include hot laps, where skaters perform sets of laps in skill groups to focus on specific areas of skating. This time it was speed and pack drills, with the first involving a speed sprint around the track in your group, and the second being a pack drill where speed and proximity make skating difficult. I was really impressed that even our newest newbies had a go…maybe it was something to do with my hugely loud voice and slightly too-quick temper? No no, I’m sure it was nothing more than their sheer enthusiasm for skating!! Ha ha…no, seriously, I’m sure.

I also brought along a drill I’d learnt from the Lincolnshire Bombers Roller Girls during my recent trip to Lincoln and had everyone (once again down to the newest newbies…these girls are pretty hardcore) being whipped and pulled around the hall in what the LBRG call the Inertia drill. Holding hands with a partner, the idea is to pull her along and whip her forward before being pulled along yourself…it’s hard to explain but I’m sure there’s versions of it going on in leagues all over the country…I’m pretty sure it’s also known as the whip and pull drill too but I could have just misunderstood drill explainations. It wouldn’t be the first time!!

I do love to lead practice, but I don’t particularly like the shouty bitch it turns me into. I’m the kind of person who demands eye contact and silence before I will actually believe that you’re listening to me (as Mr Gory will attest…he often hears the words ‘are you even listening?!’) and so I don’t work well in an environment where people are whispering and don’t seem to be paying 310% attention to me. Cue lots of whistle blowing, shouting and name calling…Chatty McChatterson being the name of choice (yes Chet Wisconsin, I’m talking about you!!). It hadn’t occurred to me before I read Chet’s blog on the CCR myspace that my technique of simply employing my lungs when people are being said Chatty McChatterson is actually a bit soft of me. So be warned CCR girls and boys (Chet especially…and Jack Beam!) from now on your snake-like hissings will no longer be a backdrop to my drill explaination…oh no! Instead, my voice will be accompained by the usual noises that go with squat thrusts. Happy days.

I’m kind of glad I wasn’t skating as hard as everyone else was that afternoon as it was just the first installment in a Derby double-header weekend…the next day the CCR plus Raven were off to visit with the London Rockin Rollers, the Bedford Bandits and the Windsor Roller Girls for a mixed practice and a bit of scrimmagy goodness. Something to look forward to indeed!!

mixed practice…



So…the CCR bus was off bright and early (once again…I hate early mornings), headed for Milton Keynes and a date with some fabulous Rollergirls and their entourages. The leagues took it in turn to deliver drills, and we got to do yet more hotlaps (I was reminded that doing them is definitely more strenuous than it looks) as well as a few hardcore races and Lil Joker’s very own brand of torture on wheels.

Once again I more than impressed myself with some serious toe-stop running during both the hotlaps and the LRR’s version of the bleep-test for skaters. I’ve never felt like I could do them, but when I visited the Lincoln Bombers I got the chance to practice them in my own time and I found a well of previously undiscovered confidence that enabled me to carry on pulling off said toe-stop running during the CCR practices that followed. This mixed practice was like the ultimate acid test for my newfound skill and I got plenty of opportunity to keep proving to myself that I could still do it…despite being mortally terrified that I’d end up on my face in front of so many unfamiliar skaters.

The scrimmaging part of the practice was brilliant too, with everyone mixing it up within their skill set to get as many jams as possible. There were so many of us that we needed at least another hour to really get our teeth into each other properly, but during the short time we had I saw some really amazing skating. I’ve got to say, I was pleased that I was skating WITH Jack Attack and not against her…that girl was everywhere at the same time! Once again, I had the best BEST time, and even an unexplained excruciating pain in my wrist didn’t take me off my wheels. I’ve really been feeling the Derby love these past few weeks :o) partly because of all the lovely skaters I’ve met, partly because of all the superbad skate-time I’ve gotten in, and mostly because yet another of my lovely friends is rolling onto the Derby scene. She’s a London lass but Donna’ll be travelling up to Lincoln to skate with the Bombers and be their ref…which means we can steal her if we’re ever in search of Zebras! HOORAY!!

After the practice it was off to the pub for some well deserved bevvies and a long chat about our favorite subject…roller derby! I got to spend a good long time with the ever lovely Margy Bargy of the LRR, who is quite possibly the sweetest woman I’ve ever met, as well as being an amazing skater. It was really good to get to spend some time hanging out with the other leagues, and the pear cider was more than welcome after three hours of skating :o)

present day…finally! *phew*

Today our practice was lead by Hustle’her and our ref, Barry Fight. Both of them are really keen to whip us into shape, so they were relentless and brutal…and it was brilliant! Their practice, combined with the fact that I’ve been sat here typing for so long, has incited my legs to go on strike. I tried to stand up a minute ago and discovered that I couldn’t! I think they’ve more than done their job…

Warm up was more intense than usual, and after a quick stretch (that I led…with a few tips pinched from the LRR’s Speedpixie) we were up and doing as many laps as we could in 5 minutes. I’ve been feeling a bit drained all week, probably due to last weekend’s double-derby header, and other stuff in real life, and I pushed myself way too hard as we began to skate. When Barry called out ‘halfway’ I was already ready to drop and my previous light-footed hippity hop round the corners had morphed into a slow dragged-out crossover attempt. I’m sure I must have looked as if I was skating in slow motion by the end of the 5 minutes…I was still going fast though, Honest!

We also got more than ample time to practice all kinds of stops, turns, transitions and backwards skating techniques. Our fresh meat were doing amazingly well alongside the more advanced skaters, so I felt it was my duty to stop being such a wimp about transitions. When Barry wanted us to glide steadily from forwards to backwards skating, with a complicated looking hop, or terrifying looking jump back to forwards again, I swallowed my many MANY complaints and just did it. And I did it! Surprisingly enough I found it a damn sight easier to leap and twist in the air to right my skating direction than it was to do the twisty/privoty/footy thing, although I’m bloody proud to say that I managed to do both pretty well. I also pulled off many successful forward-to-backward transitions and once again the mohawk stop (or derby stop) was back under my control…but sadly this wasn’t the case when I needed to do either at speed or under pressure. I’ll get there though…this is a new more confident me, willing to try the things I’m sure I can’t do. Thanks to Barry and Hustle’her for all the instruction they gave us, and all the advice on how to get the hang of it quicker :o)

After all the drills there was just enough time for us to do another set of five-minute laps…and oh my god did it hurt. I learnt my lesson and didn’t go hell for leather right from the beginning (I don’t think I could have if I’d have wanted to anyway) but I paid for it with a lap. My first attempt had scored me 27 according to Ouija Broad who’s heels I’d been chasing, and on our second go Ouija and I jousted to be in front but we only just managed 26 laps. I’m incredibly proud to be hot on her heels, as there’s been many a time she’s lapped me doing this drill…I must be getting better!! Saying that she’ll probably leave me for dust next time ;o)

I’m aching so much but I feel sort of euphoric after today’s skate! I really feel like I learnt something today (actually, the past few weeks have made a massive improvement to my skating, my knowledge and above all, my confidence) and that makes me incredibly happy…as does sitting out in the sun in a beer garden with my favorite rollergirls after practice. I’ll miss you all next week!!

It’s been a really amazing few weeks. Goddamn…this blog entry is LONG.