Decisions decisions...

I’m terrible at getting things done (blogging for one)…but my biggest problem is that I hate making decisions. It means that I miss out on so much…

Right now I’m struggling with my concience when it comes to the things I really want to do, like get tattoos and dye my hair ridiculous colours. I guess it’s a fear of the unknown, and instead of being the girl I used to be (who dyed her hair vibrant shades of red from the age of 11 and imagined a rebellious adulthood) I’ve grown into a woman who cares far too much what others think, and who doesn’t trust that her choices will lead to an outcome she can deal with.

Roller Derby has been a huge changing force in my life, and I feel much more confident with what my body can do. It’s definitely stronger and more capable than it’s ever been, and I feel at my best when I’m in practice. I feel safe with my league mates (who are all my friends) and I can really be myself around them, but although I’ll happily strut around in micro-shorts and fishnets at practice (and the pub…lol) I still feel uncomfortable and like I’m being stared at if I dress up when I go out. It’s a completely ridiculous state of affairs.

When it comes to tattoos, I have big plans for sleeves and a chest piece. They’re all planned out and I’ve known what I want for years now (one of the downfalls of having a tattooist boyfriend…I think about tatoos all the time but I’m not allowed any because he doesn’t want me to end up with a load of ink I’ll regret) but I can’t bring myself to get them done. My best friends recently had some unwanted attention because of their visible tattoos and it makes me wonder how I’ll handle people commenting on any visible ink I get done…I know a lady who’s really heavily covered and she’s even had a guy (a complete stranger) go to pull her top away from her chest to get a better look at her work! I’d want to club someone if they did that to me, and I’m pretty sure that’s not acceptable behaviour…even if someone is trying to undress you in a supermarket!

I can’t predict how having sleeves and a chest piece will make me feel, and no one can tell me what it’ll be like…there’s no way I could ever know what it’ll be like until it’s done, and once it’s done there’s going to be no going back (only covering up, and I’m the kind of person who’s thermostat runs on ‘tropical’ most of the time…long sleeves are the very bottom of my outfit choices).

I recently had to make a skate decision too…and although I really wanted a pair of Black Widows I don’t want to get a pricey set of skates that don’t fit like a glove. I’m hoping to go to RollerCon next year (or visit the States or Canada at least) so I’ll get them then when I can try them on…and this time round I’m going for another pair of Wickeds, but this time not a size too big!

I’m also getting them with Swiss bearings and pink Mojo wheels, which I’m assured are super-grippy and wonderful to skate on! I really can’t wait! I know I’ve not been happy with my current Wickeds, but they’re far too big for me, even with a really thick gel insole. I’m pretty sure that going down to a 7.5 will make the world of difference to my poor crampy feet. At the moment I have to shuffle my feet to the back of my boot after every drill or jam, and walking on my toe stops isn’t as easy as it should be because my foot moves around in the boot so much. Tightening my laces isn’t really an option either as that’s when the crampy foot-death occurs, which hinders my skating as much as a flappy boot does.

*fingers crossed* they’re going to fit me…I think I’ll cut my toes off if they don’t.

This afternoon is the second after-school skating session that I’m helping run. I forgot to take my camera last week so this week I must remember it. The kids are SO funny once they’ve got those skates on…and they’re absolutely fearless! If only adults could be persuaded to do squat-jumps on wheels, the whole country would be Roller Derby mad by now!

Last week I had to cart 25 pairs of skates with me (26 if you include mine), but now I’ve narrowed it down to the sizes I need I’ll only have to carry about 15 pairs…across a playground and up two flights of stairs…no wonder my biceps were screaming last Wednesday!

In other Roller Derby news, I’m REALLY looking forward to the upcoming visit of Payne D. Spencer who’s going to be joining us for lots of skating and drinking fun at the start of October! We’re going to have a blast, and I can’t wait for her to meet some of the other UK Roller Derby Leagues!…Roll on October!